--- title: It's not my fault ~ We-Speak Community description: I was raped by a man I invited into my home after a night out nearly 6 years ago. We kissed at a club, briefly went to an afterparty and I invited him home. I... url: https://www.wespeak.ie/en/story/its-not-my-fault-1846.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay [\[Image: United States\]United States](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pa)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/its-not-my-fault-1846)[Español](/es/story/its-not-my-fault-1846)[日本語](/ja/story/its-not-my-fault-1846) [ About We-Consent ](https://www.we-consent.ie)[ About We-Speak ](/en/about) We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Read our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/en/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/en/legal/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us 🇮🇪 ##### Survivor story # It's not my fault Original story ##### Message of Healing I'm not sure, this is a stepping stone I was raped by a man I invited into my home after a night out nearly 6 years ago. We kissed at a club, briefly went to an afterparty and I invited him home. I don't remember everything but I knew I was uncomfortable when we got back to my house, he pushed me down onto the bed... It felt like a performance. The sexual activity started somewhat consentually (I was very drunk, possibly high) but was quite aggressive. My memory of how things stopped is hazy but I woke up multiple times in the night to being penetrated. I told him to stop and I tried to push him off. He seemed to enjoy my resistance. When I woke up again in the morning, he was still there... He initiated more sexual activity and I allowed it. I don't think I said much and he eventually left. He seemed embarrassed. I was sore and bleeding. I texted the friends I had been out to say I felt very uncomfortable about what had gone on between us. They said they hoped I was OK, they didn't call me and I was hurt. I didn't know how to describe what had happened and didn't feel like I could talk about it openly, so I left it. I felt confused especially because I'd let him do more in the morning. Date I was totally devastated. I was off work and spent the whole day crying. I knew I had been raped but it took me many years to accept it and more again to tell anyone. I told two friends and my therapist. I've yet to fully explore what happened with my therapist. It was not the first non-consentual sex I had experienced and it feels overwhelming to start to unpack it all. It's hard not to blame myself. It feels shameful / embarrassing to know I am (?) a multiple rape victim. It feels like it must be my fault. I'm feeling very angry at the moment - the UCD case, Sophie Brady, Ciara Mangan, Nikkita Hand and countless other sexual violence cases in the media. I want more men to speak about about sexual violence. I want things to change. I sometimes think about reporting what happened, I remember his first name and what school he went to. I don't want him to go prison, I want him to understand how he's impacted me. I'm terrified he doesn't know what he did was rape, I'm terrified he's hurt others. I'm scared there are many men out there like him. I admire the women (and men) who at report and advocate for others. I don't feel like I'm a 'proper' victim, because I invited these people into my home. Ironically, profession it's never the victim's fault and I believe it, BUT... I don't feel it. Random Story [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/its-not-my-fault-1846#comments) - Report #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay [\[Image: United States\]United States](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pa)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/its-not-my-fault-1846?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/its-not-my-fault-1846)[Español](/es/story/its-not-my-fault-1846)[日本語](/ja/story/its-not-my-fault-1846) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre | Read our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/en/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/en/legal/terms) | [ #### Resources ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines) to help us keep We-Speak a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to We-Speak and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready