--- title: We-Speak Community ~ A safe harbor for survivors description: A safe harbor for survivors of sexual harm, domestic violence, and abuse. Share your story, exchange messages of hope, and find community support. url: https://www.wespeak.ie/en/index.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/?country=ve) English [English](/en/)[Español](/es/)[日本語](/ja/) [ About We-Consent ](https://www.we-consent.ie)[ About We-Speak ](/en/about) We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Read our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/en/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/en/legal/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us # Community All Community messages Survivor stories Curated Sort by - Curated - Newest Format Format - Narrative - Artwork Find by Tag I was... Home at Someone Else’s Home at Work in School / University in a Bar / Restaurant at a Social Event Traveling in a Service Setting in a Public Space Other The person who harmed me was a... Stranger Acquaintance Non-Romantic Friend Casual / First Date Spouse Romantic Partner Ex-Partner Family Member Authority Figure Colleague I identify as... Irish Any other White background Black or Black Irish African My sexual orientation is... LGBTQ+ Straight / Heterosexual Lesbian / Gay Bisexual Pansexual Queer Asexual I identify as... a Man a Woman Transgender Gender nonconforming Non-binary Genderqueer a Person with a physical disability a Person who is neurodivergent an Immigrant I was... a Young Adult an Adult an Older Adult When this occurred I also experienced... Physical harm Emotional abuse Financial abuse Human trafficking Stalking Verbal abuse ### Welcome to We-Speak. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #781 I never associated my assaults as sexual assaults. I always just saw it as a thing that happened me that was upsetting until recently. I was groped, forced into having sex and preforming oral sex on him. I remember one time he offered to drive me home. I lived over 40 mins from town so I thought i could save myself €60 in a taxi. Until I realised we were going in the opposite direction to my house. He drove me to secluded area. I knew it wasn't right I said no said I was due my period I tried everything I could to deter him. It didn't work. I can't drive that road without a feeling of dread. I do feel part to blame and I know that's wrong. I hate how it makes me feel. When I hear stories in the news I can't help but think my story isn't as bad as theirs or that maybe mine wasn't rape or a sexual assault. I hate myself for thinking it. ](/en/story/5bb2d38e-bb0c-43ad-8a9f-fe95802a9c0a) 5 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ As someone who is in the process of court hearings due to rape and sexual assault. It would be nice to find support and speak to others who are in similar situations. ](/en/message/as-someone-who-is-in-the-process-of-court-hearings-due-to-rape-and-sexual-assault-it-would-be-nice-to-find-support-and-speak-to-others-who-are-in-similar-situations-1545) 5 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### My story I was raped when I was 18, just after my Leaving Cert. The man who raped me was a former partner. He had been physically abusive which had prompted me to end the relationship. Not long after it ended, he got in contact and asked to meet up to exchange items we had left at the others’ homes. I agreed, not thinking anything of it particularly. We arranged a time and agreed to go for a coffee in a spot we had often frequented as a couple. However, he was hours late turning up and looking back now, this was a huge red flag. I got into the car with him and he drove to a secluded location, incapacitated me and raped me. I will never forget the feeling of trying to prise his hands off of me and finally realising I wasn’t strong enough. It lasted nearly 4 hours and I was orally, vaginally and anally raped. He also used a foreign object during his attack. After it was over, he let me go and I walked for hours in the dark to get home. I didn’t tell a soul for days. The only medical attention I sought was the morning after pill. After about 3 days, I started to come to terms about what had happened to me, and that it wasn’t ok. That I wasn’t ok. I sought help from the SATU in Location and chose ‘Option 3’ which allowed samples to be taken and stored without a Garda present. I couldn’t speak highly enough of the care I got in SATU. They are angels. I later suffered a miscarriage at a relatively late stage in pregnancy, after finding out quite late. I eventually made a statement to Gardai and my perpetrator was arrested, although I decided at the time that I was not strong enough to allow the case to go to court. I suffered hugely at that time with symptoms I have now come to understand were PTSD and depression, and even considered taking my own life. But I accessed supports and met a wonderful psychotherapist and I later repeated my leaving cert and went on to gain entry to university, where I have had such brilliant support. I was lucky to access support that made all the difference to me, and my message to anybody reading this who was affected by sexual violence is that it gets better, and you can get through it. ](/en/story/my-story-626) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “We believe you. Your stories matter.” ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #681](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/f5360d3b-42d1-473d-af4b-86824c7964ae) [ Healing is owning your story, it’s allowing yourself to process what has happened. ](/en/message/healing-is-owning-your-story-its-allowing-yourself-to-process-what-has-happened-578) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Summer before college it all changed Over 2 years on and I’m only realising the impact of what I’ve been through. I was 19, just had my heart broken by a cheater after being together for number long years. So of course when this guy said he’d buy me a drink I took it, danced with my friends at a local festival with my home only being a 5 minute walk away. He found me in the nightclub later on and asked me to go for a walk, and I agreed. I left the nightclub and first thing made it clear, all I want is to talk and most I’ll do is kiss you and he said that was perfectly okay, he offered me some of his drink and I had a few sips. We talked and talked, we sat down on a flat rock and had some laughs and shared some kisses when things started to change. A lot happened, a lot that I asked him to stop doing, my mind felt fuzzy and I felt numb. At one point I couldn’t move and could barely breathe, there were a few moments where I wasn’t sure what he was doing to me, or if he was recording it. I’m not religious but I prayed that I wouldn’t be found dead the following day, I didn’t want my parents to lose their baby at only 19. I don’t know how I got out of the situation, but I did. And I rang my friends straight away, was hysterical and guards found me. I ended up going to the hospital to the sexual assault treatment unit and the women were lovely but that has traumatised me. It was the only time I was ever in hospital and there I was alone. Every day for over 2 years it comes into my mind at least a few times. It happened in the month and in month I started college, I sought college therapy but I’m not sure how much it helped. I disassociate a lot and my emotions are easier to switch off now, but every few hours that night plays into my head. I felt as if I had the worst beginning to college, but I also felt that it was a new chapter and a new experience. I struggled with alcohol abuse for a while and I wasn’t scared to say no to drugs. Thankfully that only lasted a few months. I hit some really bad lows, but I’ve also turned from a caterpillar into a butterfly in a sense. That Christmas I cried, I cried because I was glad to be alive. That I survived what he did to me, and I also survived my mind. But him in my mind still affects me to this day at 21 and a half. I haven’t gone to RCC as I’ve always felt this shame and guilt, I feel very alone as none of my friends were supportive and the news broke out the day after it happened across my small town, and having that victim blaming comments or remarks “like oh wasn’t he apparently younger” going around made it even harder to talk about or the “it wasn’t that bad and it could’ve been worse”, yes it could’ve been worse but it is the worst thing I’ve experienced. I have reached out to therapists and I am considering visiting the rape crisis centre as I have been struggling these 2 years really, I’m happy and have a brave face but that night intrudes and invades my thoughts an awful lot. I’ve also been struggling with my sexual life, after the incident I slept with a lot of people most of it which I can’t remember. And I regret it and feel so much guilt and shame, especially when people ask “oh what’s your body count” well I never tell and I never will as it’s my business. But even after I calmed down, I either get attached easily or I run away, and then feel the shame and guilt around sex, believing that I rushed in. I’m slightly better, but reading these stories reminds me I’m not alone and that I won’t be judged by others and people willing to help. I hope one day, I can feel “normal” again and live the rest of my life as any young woman should. ](/en/story/summer-before-college-it-all-changed-1230) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Community Message 🇺🇸 [ I was 11 when the emotional/physical and sexual abuse began. It ended when I was 15 , a man I looked up to and trusted. I didn’t realise he was grooming me , he said if I told anyone id never see my dad again but for a long time I believed that I was his step daughter so this was normal. I never got justice due to lack of evidence. There was times I convinced myself that this was all in my imagination. Through councelling I have done so much healing. It does get easier , not all men are the same ](/en/message/i-was-11-when-the-emotional-physical-and-sexual-abuse-began-it-ended-when-i-was-15-a-man-i-looked-up-to-and-trusted-i-didnt-realise-he-was-grooming-me-he-said-if-i-told-anyone-id-never-see-my-dad-agai-1479) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Month I was assaulted for the second time in Month multiple times on the same night by the same person. He removed the condom without my consent. He had sex with me multiple times while I was barely conscious and he had gotten me extremely drunk. I hadn’t realised what had happened until we broke up. I am still struggling to get intimate with men since ](/en/story/september-679) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1278](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/1278) [ Talk, therapy, know it’s nothing you did, know you are amazing and don’t let those sad bastards take that away from you. ](/en/message/talk-therapy-know-its-nothing-you-did-know-you-are-amazing-and-dont-let-those-sad-bastards-take-that-away-from-you-1187) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “I have learned to abound in the joy of the small things...and God, the kindness of people. Strangers, teachers, friends. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but there is good in the world, and this gives me hope too.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Title 13 years ago, My Ex-Fiancé didn’t take no for an answer and raped me anally. All I could do was lie there in my own bed in my own home and allow him carry on. And even after that we stayed together for another 6 months, I have never told anyone the type of rape it was or how exactly it happened. The shame and fear of judgement is too overwhelming. I still feel disgusting from it. Lately the flashbacks are getting more frequent. I never reported him, I wish I had gone to a doctor at the time but didn’t. I have moved on but will never forget the feeling. ](/en/story/1281) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #652](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/3aae432f-232d-4284-88fb-5903fafecbba) [ I don't know if its possible. ](/en/message/i-dont-know-if-its-possible-555) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #681 I wrote this poem, while I was in the process of therapy. I was sexually assaulted after a night out. I had only turned 18 and I trusted this person to look after me. He was older age and a family friend. I hope this poem helps someone. You took what wasn’t yours to take You took it and I felt I gave it away I cried and I lied because I was scared I tried to speak up but there was nobody there My friends refused to believe it true As I lied to protect you… how cruel I pretended at the time, that everything was fine My mouth told a story my body knew was a lie I coped with food, drink and drugs You lived your life And I never could what you did has stuck with me for years It took me a while but maybe I am fixed Although it’s been 6 and I seem to be fixed My mind and body are still very mixed I now find time to speak about you Even though I wish I didn’t have to It brings up emotions I wish did not exist You took my power and gave me shame But now I am taking back what you took away It shouldn’t be me who feels disgust It should be you who pays for your crime. I took back my power I took back my life I now know so much more I wish did way before But I can’t change what has already been It was not my fault and I know now it wasn’t me. ](/en/story/f5360d3b-42d1-473d-af4b-86824c7964ae) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #626](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-story-626) [ Not thinking about what happened all day, every day, 24/7/365. Feeling like myself again. ❤️ ](/en/message/not-thinking-about-what-happened-all-day-every-day-24-7-365-feeling-like-myself-again-526) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### A date to always remember but never forget Each year it crashes in like the waves beating the stand. It brings a swirl of emotion and feelings unbeknownst to my fragile mind. My body seises as it struggles to stay afloat. I gasp as the sharp prickly water traps my body, unable to move, but only to breathe, breathe... breathe... and breathe. A calm air slowly comes over me as I become conscious of this storm. Sobering me, I remember that it will pass... ](/en/story/a-date-to-always-remember-but-never-forget-795) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are surviving and that is enough. ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1681](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/a-persons-place-in-society-doesnt-excuse-them-from-what-they-done-1681) [ Healing to me is reminding myself that no matter what I never deserved this and I know the truth. The days I get consumed I remind myself that 8 months ago I was too afraid to leave my house, today and everyday I am stronger and will not allow anyone to determine my future. YOU ARE NOT WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU ❤️ ](/en/message/healing-to-me-is-reminding-myself-that-no-matter-what-i-never-deserved-this-and-i-know-the-truth-the-days-i-get-consumed-i-remind-myself-that-8-months-ago-i-was-too-afraid-to-leave-my-house-today-and-1512) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Name I was raised by a misogynistic narcissist so in my early 20s I thought my boyfriend's behavior was at least better than I was raised with. His behaviour spiralled over the years and there was gaslighting, financial abuse and finally rape. I didn't see the warning signs, sex would be very rough but I thought I enjoyed it. He had lost his job and had not worked for a year at 23, he used to smoke weed and stay up all night playing videogames. More than a few times I woke up to him masturbating so vigorously the bed would shake. One day I was sitting on the loo and I was in a bit of pain and I noticed semen in my knickers that I didn't know how it got there. I remember the ringing sound in my ears, but I decided to ignore it, I mean he couldn't possibly have. Then one night I woke up and he was rummaging in my pajama shorts and I realized he was penetrating me. I remember freezing in the dark and then calling his name. He said he wasn't doing anything, rolled over and went to sleep. I repressed this memory completely. I dumped him a few months later and thankfully moved on with my life. With my current partner (a wonderful man), we were having sex one night early in our relationship and the incident that happened with my ex hit me like a trolley and I had a flashback and a full body panic attack. I had to face what had happened to me then, I thought I was crazy and that no one would believe me, it's not your classic rape case. The incident tortured me mentally for about a year and thankfully I eventually sought help. I still think about revenge every day and am afraid to run into my ex in the city where I live. But we carry on. I am grateful to so many women who have shared their stories or managed to find justice when they report they were attacked in their sleep. We are a powerful bunch us ladies, and I am so thankful I could share my story here today. Bless you all xx ](/en/story/-658) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1278](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/1278) [ I’m in a loving Marraige, three amazing kids, good job, great friends - it took a tough road to get here but it was worth it xxx ](/en/message/im-in-a-loving-marraige-three-amazing-kids-good-job-great-friends-it-took-a-tough-road-to-get-here-but-it-was-worth-it-xxx-1186) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [My StoryI had a date over to my house. When he had got there I had already had a bottle of wine. He brought a bottle of wine for me with him. I continued to drink until I blacked out and all I can remember is him showering my own vomit off me and eventually him raping me. I went to therapy that week and laughed off the question “can you consent after two bottles of wine?” I told everyone at the time I had sex with him. I completely blocked it out for two years. However during this time it really impacted me. Due to a multitude of factors I attempted suicide 4 times while I was in denial about the fact that I was raped. 2 years after the rape I was getting ready to go play a sport I was well versed in with some new people which would include men. I got incredibly angry at the thought of men telling me how to play a sport I knew so much about. When I asked myself why I was so angry. It finally hit me that what had happened 2 years prior was rape. I contacted the local sexual violence centre. Who have now been able to offer me counselling. Since I admitted to myself that it was rape and it happened to me I’ve been better able to deal with the emotions that come with it. The first week after realising what happened I used to walk down the street with clenched fists terrified of every man I saw. Thankfully through talking to friends and sharing my story this is not the case anymore. I found it so bizzare that I had essentially blocked out the fact that I was raped for two years. But on reading up on trauma it made me feel more normal for my response. In terms of legal action I have no evidence the man was even in my house so unfortunately I cannot defend myself in this way. It would be my word against his. This is upsetting to me but I am ready to move on with my life. I am studying in college now and have a fantastic understanding, caring boyfriend who respects me to his core.](/en/story/my-story-636) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #633](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/you-are-valid-believed-and-loved-633) [ Love yourself, be kind to yourself, spend money on yourself, you don't need to forgive yourself as you did nothing wrong ](/en/message/love-yourself-be-kind-to-yourself-spend-money-on-yourself-you-dont-need-to-forgive-yourself-as-you-did-nothing-wrong-536) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Make consent modules mandatory in secondary school( my story )I was in my late teens , growing up as the Queer girl in school, subjected to years of bullying and sitting my leaving cert when I decided one day not entirely sure why that it was time for me to learn how to drive , with this new goal in mind I went to speak to my dad about potentially starting lessons and getting a car when he told me I should get a part time job to build a good work ethic and pay for this myself , I thought this was fair and began searching, the stars all seemed to align when a local restaurant was hiring for part time weekend staff, I applied and was hired, I remember on my first day meeting 2 men who worked there a man in his early 30s I'll call James and one in his late teens a year or so older than me we can call bob , I was quiet and kept my head down for the first few weeks but eventually began to open up and become more comfortable with the other staff particularly Bob since we where a similar age and had some matching interests, Bob looked much older than he actually was since he had a scraggly beard , we exchanged social media and began chatting fairly regularly about work but soon about almost everything we talked alot over this period , I had 2 friends in the same school as Bob who where concerned about this due to Bob having a less than favoured reputation It was a few weeks later when Bob asked about pursuing a relationship, at first I was hesitant due to the fact we where coworkers but decided to give him a chance , I remember I would always feel a sense of dread before meeting with Bob despite not being entirely sure why I had 2 pet ferrets at the time who are usually incredibly friendly absolutely hate the guy , we had a few heated arguments surrounding boundaries and consent and it became relatively clear to me that he lacked understanding on what consent actually was but being a dumb teenager I thought that was something minor that could be worked on It was the summer when we went out drinking and went back to watch a movie and stay over , I remember watching a TV show and feeling quite unwell, I wasn't used to consuming alcohol and had a very low tolerance, I went to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet, when I returned I did not feel good at all I don't remember much for a while past this point but I remember feeling a strong pain in my lower abdomen I opened my eyes and as they adjusted to the light I realised I was naked from the waist down and Bob was on top of me , being under the influence of alot of alcohol I didn't fully grasp the situation and just tried to pull away I got to the top of the bed and held onto the bed frame I was mainly confused and in pain when I was dragged by my legs back down the bed , finally started to grasp the gravity of the situation I managed to whine "stop" no response , I don't remember much after this point but I do remember limping to the bathroom and immediately throwing up in the worst pain I have ever felt , this is the part that's clearest in my mind , not the act the aftermath of it , grabbing a shower head and spraying ice Cold water all over my thighs to wash off blood in tears but not making a sound beyond , it felt like an out of body experience I remember staggering back out of the bathroom in pure survival mode , This was over a year ago now and it still affects my daily life , I have alot of self doubt and regret , I know deep down that its not my fault but for some reason it's incredibly hard to believe that whole heartedly , I feel like it carries a stigma when I meet people it's Easy to gauge whether they know or not based of their reaction to me and although I've had alot of support from my friends it still feels as if it'd be better if nobody knew , not a day goes by where I don't think about it , there are ups and downs If there was one thing I could change with the current education system it would be to please make consent a mandatory part of the sphe module and not just a brief touched on subject a genuine important part that's explored on depth by trained staff , I feel like it could save so many people so much heartache and trauma](/en/story/make-consent-modules-mandatory-in-secondary-school-my-story-1218) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #679](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/september-679) [ If you think you may have been assaulted you probably have. Take time to deal with it don’t brush it off. It is not the new normal. ](/en/message/if-you-think-you-may-have-been-assaulted-you-probably-have-take-time-to-deal-with-it-dont-brush-it-off-it-is-not-the-new-normal-575) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #1418 A little over A number of years ago, when I was 19, I ended a numbermonth relationship with a man I had met in college. We had met during orientation, and he pursued me romantically very quickly. I was so delighted to be finally seen; I had never been in a relationship and no one had ever been interested in me before. Things moved very quickly, and in hindsight, it should have been a sign of what was to come. He kissed me suddenly one day when we hugged and I didn't turn him down. He was very pushy to progress things along faster than I felt ready for, but I convinced myself that I should be ready. Naively, I agreed to be in a relationship with him a week after meeting. Within a month, our relationship had become more sexual. He had forced his way to take my virginity when I just wanted some foreplay, but again, I didn't object and soothed myself that at least I didn't have a one-night-stand. Two months later, he wanted me to go on birth control when a condom and emergency contraception failed and I had an early miscarriage. He was particularly interested in me getting an implant. I didn't think it was a bad idea, as I didn't want to get pregnant again. Unfortunately, this enabled him to abuse me even more. The relationship turned violent as well as sexually abusive, and he wore me down psychologically, saying I was a terrible girlfriend and pointing out everything I was insecure about. He was very suspicious of my friendships with my male classmates (I was one of four women in a class of 40, I hadn't much choice) and accused me of emotional cheating and flirting with them when it wasn't true. Eventually, I had struck up a friendship with one of his friends he introduced me to from school, who I confided in that we weren't having a happy relationship. I didn't disclose any real detail during our conversations, but he was horrified by his verbal treatment of me and what my boyfriend said to him about me, and encouraged me to leave him gently over several months. I eventually did break up with him in a public space in order to try to be safe. Strangely, he was fine with it. He took his belongings from my apartment and left without any issue. The following day, he had already moved on to kissing another girl in a neighbouring college and ended up being in a relationship with her for many years - his insecurity about me cheating was a projection of his own behaviour. I ended up dating the friend who helped me to leave that relationship and we are now very happily engaged and cut ties from my ex completely, so I'm thankful we met despite the circumstances. Unfortunately, I never had any real evidence besides anecdotal to bring a case against him for what he did to me without my consent. Dates of those events are non-existent in my memory because I accepted it as being my duty as his girlfriend, and I remember very little now (possibly due to my brain wanting to forget the trauma) unless I get nightmares and flashbacks - there are a few moments that won't leave me. I am currently attending counselling and I'm so lucky to have a fiancé now who has always respected and loved me how anyone deserves to be treated, never been pushy for sex, and supported me so strongly when I disclosed to him fully about what happened in that relationship. I'm sad that my abuser walks free and I don't have any way to have justice, nor protect other women from him without facing defamation legal implications. It is hard to feel safe on my own if I am back in the same city where we went to college. I have seen him a few times in public, but thankfully he never saw me or didn't approach me. I have had some panic attacks out in public when this has occurred. I can only hope that maybe he has changed. ](/en/story/d6780364-7cb2-4402-8d03-a974fd500c73) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1518](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/ba92e91f-06a4-4d81-9186-2c65970a3b65) [ I’m able to get out of bed, laugh with my friends, achieve great things and carry on with my life, when all of that felt impossible at one point. ](/en/message/im-able-to-get-out-of-bed-laugh-with-my-friends-achieve-great-things-and-carry-on-with-my-life-when-all-of-that-felt-impossible-at-one-point-1346) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### a voice When I was 23, after having lost my father to cancer and moving into my first home as a single parent, I was "sexually assaulted" by my uncle who was now one of my neighbours. It was what was possibly deemed a harmless move by him, a drunken misunderstanding where he accidentally but forcefully stuck his tongue in my mouth while consoling me on my loss. The weight of him pressing me into the sofa of my new home. My new place of safety. He was a large man with a wheelbarrow stomach and a stench of unwashed flesh that lingers in the spaces long after he has passed through them. He never spoke a word I could ever understand because his native dialect rested somewhere between a brogue and the sound of someone clearing their throat. I always politely, on account of my aunt, nodded in agreement whenever he spoke to me. I pushed him away and apologetically resisted his advances so as not to offend him. It never occured to me to make a scene, others might have demonstrated greater revolt but I had just left an abusive relationship with the father of my child, a man who was given to dangling phlegm from his mouth over my face while pinning my arms down as a means of foreplay. Being sexually compromised was something that I had long accepted as normal. According to my mother I deserved it, people don't do things to other people unless they deserve it. He was just trying to be nice to me after all. I also learned quickly that if you did happen to discuss things with anyone that they had ways of silencing you. My new neighbours were informed of my single parent status and it's always better to keep girls like me at arms length. I thought I had been finally set free from an abusive relationship only to find myself thrust into a dynamic that set the stage for a lifetime of fear and resprisals from any man that wanted to really. A couple of weeks later my late fathers friend, an elderly gentleman with a family of his own, repeated the experience. A man of standing in the community, he had called to offer his condolances and suggested he could help me find work through a local employment scheme to help me get back on my feet. Once again I found myself on the recieving end of a sexual embrace, ending with him forcing his tongue into my mouth. I didn't get that job, in fact I spent the next twenty years resisting poverty and doing my best under the same kind of unemployment schemes while always being rejected for paid labour. It was on one of these employment schemes where I became the subject of one partcular mans obsession. He was the same age as me although very shy and reserved, maybe because he suffered from a physical disability. He worked in a different office to me and we would see him skulking around outside the building I worked in and often, waiting outside at clock out time. He would casually greet me and join up with our group and continue to follow along with us. The others made fun of him but I felt bad about that and tried my best to be respectful. As our work progamme ended everyone naturally went their own ways but he never left and for twenty years he remained, insisting he was just a friend despite my objections that I had no desire to be with anyone. Most people automatically assume that he was my partner now but in all the years I had known him, I remained single and celibate. I had never been able to consider being in relationship with another man. I never had the freedom to be even if I wanted to. My mother would tell people he was my partner and as it happened, he was very effective at "keeping me out of trouble". Instead, I turned to other women for relationship and in the hope that he, and others, might get the message and leave me alone. It was many years before I found the videos he had been taking of me on his phone when I wasn't looking. It turned out he was a prolific client of escort services too and apparently, acording to the man who's child I bore and raised by myself this meant that I was a paid whore also. It wasn't until I sought help that I learned how I was being portrayed. The first counsellor I went to called me a liar when I told her that my childs father had physically abused me. For three months I sat unable to speak in a psychologist office, being accused of things I had previously been unable to imagine. I lost the ability to verbalise. My nervous system shut down. My body would shake uncontrollably. I tried to kill myself but I didn't know how. I stopped trusting people, least of all the services you would nomally turn to for help. The gaurds, my gp, even the voluntary agencies in places of statutory ones. For years after I struggled to come to terms with this abuse and I was alone through all of it. I did everything I could to drag myself out of that place, yoga, meditation, exercise but none of it made much difference because I could never wipe away the pain on the inside. One day I listened to a story on the radio and in response penned a letter to a rape crisis center. I never considered what I had been through as sexual abuse so I never considered discussing it with anybody. I began to write. I met with a counsellor and handed her my letter. As she spoke the words of my story I heard someone else speaking but it didn't sound like me. I didn't feel ashamed, I felt brave. I didn't feel worthless, I looked at the woman in the chair in front of me and felt like her, like I had value and that my words had meaning. I didn't feel stupid or retarded, I saw a beautiful articulate woman, not a destitute worthless prostitute. After years of being silenced I finally heard the sound of my own voice. I think I slept for two days after that. My own voice has grown stonger every day since. It's kinder and more understanding, more loving and gentle toward myself. I no longer live with the same level of fear as before. The guilt and shame I was used to feeling and that others used to inflict upon me no longer controls me. Something was given back to me that was lost and now no one can ever take it away again. I'm still working on healing myself but I enjoy life in moments and even have goals again. I'm glad that this place can give people a voice too and that those who read these words might hear themselves speaking and will know that they are not alone. ](/en/story/a-voice-687) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another. ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #620](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-dad-my-hero-my-idol-my-abuser-620) [ You are not your story. Your story does not define you. Your story is simply a piece of you. The journey of healing may be dark at times but there is always hope and always help. Us survivors are all the same. Regardless of our experience we are all incredible. You never know who you are inspiring by simply getting up in the morning. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. Keep going. And remember, that every day you open your eyes, is a day worth remembering how amazing you are. ](/en/message/you-are-not-your-story-your-story-does-not-define-you-your-story-is-simply-a-piece-of-you-the-journey-of-healing-may-be-dark-at-times-but-there-is-always-hope-and-always-help-us-survivors-are-all-the-523) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Boundaries set & bridges builtI was a prudish teenager in the '80s, an introvert who wanted friend but only on my terms (they had to respect my boundaries, and I had many). It was only in my twenties, while I was working with more liberal people, that I made a conscious decision to cast off my old, narrow way of relating to people because my barriers had become walls. So I opened up more, made myself vulnerable...and attracted perverts. Older men, bosses, colleagues and contacts (I worked in industry). I still had enough boundaries to prevent actual rape, but I would not push them away as forcefully; I would make light of it when a man put his hands on my hips or made some inappropriate comment. This went on for years. I had a few boyfriends in my twenties including one I stayed with for three years and loved (I still love him but don't want a relationship with him and have to keep enforcing psychological boundaries - he was never a sex pest but he wants to be friends and gets upset when I don't want to meet him). Being an introvert, and possibly Aspie (I have yet to find the courage to look for a diagnosis) I have always felt like an outsider, and in relationships always felt as if I was playing at being "sexy". In my forties, the men who breached my sexual boundaries (with inappropriate comments and the occasional arm around me as I sat beside them on a work assignment) were men my own age and slightly younger; I was still attracting men in the same age group: 40s. They would obviously want to take things further, but I would always put up that barrier...and I noticed that after I rebuffed a man I'd lose a work opportunity. I was frozen out of the cliques in my profession (I don't have family in my industry and I did not go to university so I didn't have the underpinning network to fall back on). I dealt with this by developing a tough, jokey exterior; desperate to prove that I was "not a prude", I merged my career with a rather tarty image (I cannot go into details here without possibly revealing who I am or, worse, narrowing it down - which would not be fair to others who might not want their stories told). At first, it actually helped my career and social life; suddenly I was great craic, a youthful looking middle-aged woman who was happy in her own skin, free-spirited - and "great craic". The men who used to flirt with me would also mock-boast "I'm a prude"; they had respectable wives / partners (indeed many of these women were my colleagues). Eventually, it was time for this middle-aged disgrace to be managed out of the industry. It didn't happen all at once; my mentors and good contacts retired or died (these were the people who never abused me). There were various reasons: cutbacks, personality differences, my political views were at odds with my bosses' views, and there were new people looking to fill my role. I adapted by finding a mosaic career, doing a few courses and muddling through. Now I see my former colleagues (the flirts and their partners) getting on with their careers; I am on the outside, looking in. But I was always on the outside. And I have no doubt that my story is very common (a bit like me, some would say!).](/en/story/boundaries-set-and-bridges-built-637) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #670](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/autistic-voice-670) [ I've a lot of healing to do. Starting with counselling to try understand everything and why it wasn't all my fault. ](/en/message/ive-a-lot-of-healing-to-do-starting-with-counselling-to-try-understand-everything-and-why-it-wasnt-all-my-fault-570) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### The nightmare come true I was with my ex and I had just started some new tablets that made me sleepy. I tell my ex that I’m going to sleep and he continues to play his video game. I wake in a daze around an hour later and he is raping me and enjoying it. I react by making noises out of fear and wait for him to finish up the act , I just froze in fear. Once it was over I was mad he never got consent but he told me that he thought I wanted it. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not over it ](/en/story/the-nightmare-come-true-645) 3 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1282](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/when-a-yes-turns-to-a-no-1282) [ Healing is acceptance and ownership. I am a SA survivor and will always be. ](/en/message/healing-is-acceptance-and-ownership-i-am-a-sa-survivor-and-will-always-be-1192) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “It’s always okay to reach out for help” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #676 I don't imagine that you are lying in bed, thinking about number of years ago. That's my curse to live with. The Mark you made upon me. You raped me, in that miserable and dark car park. Held against my will, and now I lie here thinking, reliving, or simply just living with what you did. Wishing I could change The past. Wishing I could change Your past that you probably don't even remember. Lucky you. Rape and move on. Lucky you. I didn't save your number. Lucky you. I don't know your last name. Lucky you. I didn't report it. Lucky me. I didn't report it... because what was I wearing? And how much had I drank? And why didn't I scream or fight? And why didn't I run or take flight? Facing fear, I froze. Lucky, lucky you. ](/en/story/3178b95e-6bea-4df2-be12-81960e14bc11) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #632](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/lets-rebuild-the-boat-a-better-boat-632) [ If you have experienced ANY type of unwarranted sexual harassment, assault, violence - I BELIEVE YOU. YOU ARE VALID AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT. ](/en/message/if-you-have-experienced-any-type-of-unwarranted-sexual-harassment-assault-violence-i-believe-you-you-are-valid-and-you-are-important-534) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Age is not a shield You think your age makes you less to blame, But I carry the weight, I bear the shame. You crossed the line — no excuse to hide, No softer words can wash this tide. I’m not the one who should feel small, You built this cage, you made me fall. No matter your years, no matter your face, You took from me my safe, my space. But here I stand, I claim my voice, I break the chains, I make the choice. I won’t be silent, I won’t back down, I wear my courage like a crown. So hear me now, and hear me clear, Your actions caused this pain and fear. Age won’t protect what you have done— I am the survivor, I have won. ](/en/story/age-is-not-a-shield-1599) 4 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇨🇭 [Story #1258](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/d2c18322-f55e-47c4-abed-c4d6a9357df2) [ You are not alone. ❤️ ](/en/message/you-are-not-alone-1165) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #652 I was in my local pub, the landlady told me someone knew to the area was lonely so I asked him to play pool. We hung out a few times after that, one time walking home at the end of the night he took my hand I told him I had a boyfriend. Not long after I was out with my brothers and we met him, after a while they went home and then me and him were walking home, we lived very near each other in a small town so it was normal to walk together. I don't know who suggested walking through the playground which I'd done a million times with other people, but I remember he was kissing me and 3 times I said no and asked him to stop then I froze as I realised I didn't really know him and he could do anything to me, all I could think was let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as I survive and get home to my boyfriend. The next morning I woke up and went to the bathroom, I was bleeding from where he'd raped me anally and bruised where he'd held my arms down. I had love bites on my chest.I don't know how I got home. I started to drink more as I kept bumping into him and he kept asking me to go out with him. When I went to the place of work for work I'd bump into him on the street and need to run home and drink so I could calm down before going back to work. I rang support organisation, I was told not to tell my boyfriend as that would only upset him. 8 years later I went to rehab for alcoholism. It was that or suicide. I did meet up with him once more a few weeks after the assault as I needed to tell him what he'd done was not okay, he didn't care, said he didn't remember. I still feel angry and guilty for not reporting him but he's from another country and left my town many years ago so its not possible, I don't even know his last name. I just hope he hasn't done it to anyone else. I was also afraid that if I reported him that my boyfriend would leave me or that I wouldn't be believed because I was drinking with him. I wish when the landlady asked me to help him that I hadn't and never feel like I can trust my instincts since then. ](/en/story/3aae432f-232d-4284-88fb-5903fafecbba) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### We believe in you. You are strong. ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇩🇪 [Story #1279](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/8cb41d3a-eae0-4be6-96a3-7bc1ef2b9ca7) [ Learning to love my own body again ](/en/message/learning-to-love-my-own-body-again-1188) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Stalked by a professional in Ireland I have been stalked by a professional for the past 7 years. One evening I agreed to meet up with him, as I was afraid of saying no to him. He made sexual advances towards me and I rejected him. He then set about using friends, associates, paid and willing accomplices, to harass and stalk me relentlessly for the past four years. I have been drugged and sexually assaulted in my own home, presumably so that he could share these images online with whoever pays to see them. I have now decided to speak out about my experiences redacted true story of being stalked against a backdrop of no stalking laws. Enough is enough. Women are not safe, and more needs to be done to protect us from predators. Name ](/en/story/stalked-712) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #626](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-story-626) [ Sexual violence is the most Earth-shattering and world view altering experience to endure. But speaking as somebody who endured it and came out the other side a more compassionate, stronger woman - you will be ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the next day, but eventually you will be. ](/en/message/sexual-violence-is-the-most-earth-shattering-and-world-view-altering-experience-to-endure-but-speaking-as-somebody-who-endured-it-and-came-out-the-other-side-a-more-compassionate-stronger-woman-you-wi-525) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #682 I was sexually assaulted while living abroad for college. I did not accept what had happened to me for some months and allowed my life to spin out of control. I am doing better for myself now and picking up the pieces after having accepted the reality. But I am finding it harder and harder to process and work though the thought of memories of the incident. It feels like im taking one step forward and two steps back. Luckily I have people who I confided in but I feel like asking to talk about it is too much to ask. I can still feel everything, it hurts in my body and I hate that this happened to me and I want so badly to move on. ](/en/story/ded9b73d-0673-47b2-95c4-6a1da443970d) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1245](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/305fccf2-030b-4855-b6e4-625ac45d77f4) [ You're not broken and you are worthy of love ](/en/message/youre-not-broken-and-you-are-worthy-of-love-1155) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### My Dad - My Hero, My Idol, My Abuser....... As an only child, I had no one to look up to really as a kid. But I always looked up to my Dad. Even though he was never really around due to work (although Mam worked more than he did and still found lots of time to spend with me), I still idolised him. He was my hero. He would always say 'Dads know everything - remember that', so lying to my dad (even little white lies) were pointless. Though when I hit 13 I began to realise he actually DID know everything. He knew what myself and my friends would talk about, he would know exactly where I was and who I was with without even needing to ask me, and I would always wonder why. In reality he had my phone tracked and could read all my messages. Now that I have been through the court system and he has been imprisoned for the abuse he inflicted upon me, I can confirm that he was in fact grooming me from the age of 13. About a month after my 18th Birthday, began the horrific 7.5 year abuse that I suffered. My Dad, masked for the first 2 years as a stranger, blackmailed me into performing sexual acts with strange men in our home - the one place I should've felt safe. When I finally realised it was him, I couldn't tell you how it then turned into just open ended abuse and rape from him. He would advertise us as a couple on hook up sites and in order to avoid physical beatings I would go along with it. I feared for my life so much that endless rapes and sexual assaults were easier - imagine that being the easiest choice - until you're in it, you just don't know how you'll react. I stopped going out, I gave up my hobbies, whilst in college I gave up my part time job - he controlled every single part of my life. And if I even let my "everything is rosey' mask slip even for a second, especially in front of my Mam, well it just doesn't bear thinking about. Fortunately for me, once Mam did find out, he was gone out of my life within 30 mins. Unfortunately, he went on to groom and abuse others after that. He was convicted, and is currently serving his prison sentence - but the fear of him stilll remains. ](/en/story/my-dad-my-hero-my-idol-my-abuser-620) 3 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ Message of hope... You've gotten this far, all those bad ,horrific, gut wrenching, volatile and heart breaking, you did it. Even if this is a far you make it, you took steps, and everything step was for you ](/en/message/message-of-hope-youve-gotten-this-far-all-those-bad-horrific-gut-wrenching-volatile-and-heart-breaking-you-did-it-even-if-this-is-a-far-you-make-it-you-took-steps-and-everything-step-was-for-you-1565) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ### Welcome to We-Speak. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### My story I was raped when I was 18, just after my Leaving Cert. The man who raped me was a former partner. He had been physically abusive which had prompted me to end the relationship. Not long after it ended, he got in contact and asked to meet up to exchange items we had left at the others’ homes. I agreed, not thinking anything of it particularly. We arranged a time and agreed to go for a coffee in a spot we had often frequented as a couple. However, he was hours late turning up and looking back now, this was a huge red flag. I got into the car with him and he drove to a secluded location, incapacitated me and raped me. I will never forget the feeling of trying to prise his hands off of me and finally realising I wasn’t strong enough. It lasted nearly 4 hours and I was orally, vaginally and anally raped. He also used a foreign object during his attack. After it was over, he let me go and I walked for hours in the dark to get home. I didn’t tell a soul for days. The only medical attention I sought was the morning after pill. After about 3 days, I started to come to terms about what had happened to me, and that it wasn’t ok. That I wasn’t ok. I sought help from the SATU in Location and chose ‘Option 3’ which allowed samples to be taken and stored without a Garda present. I couldn’t speak highly enough of the care I got in SATU. They are angels. I later suffered a miscarriage at a relatively late stage in pregnancy, after finding out quite late. I eventually made a statement to Gardai and my perpetrator was arrested, although I decided at the time that I was not strong enough to allow the case to go to court. I suffered hugely at that time with symptoms I have now come to understand were PTSD and depression, and even considered taking my own life. But I accessed supports and met a wonderful psychotherapist and I later repeated my leaving cert and went on to gain entry to university, where I have had such brilliant support. I was lucky to access support that made all the difference to me, and my message to anybody reading this who was affected by sexual violence is that it gets better, and you can get through it. ](/en/story/my-story-626) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Summer before college it all changed Over 2 years on and I’m only realising the impact of what I’ve been through. I was 19, just had my heart broken by a cheater after being together for number long years. So of course when this guy said he’d buy me a drink I took it, danced with my friends at a local festival with my home only being a 5 minute walk away. He found me in the nightclub later on and asked me to go for a walk, and I agreed. I left the nightclub and first thing made it clear, all I want is to talk and most I’ll do is kiss you and he said that was perfectly okay, he offered me some of his drink and I had a few sips. We talked and talked, we sat down on a flat rock and had some laughs and shared some kisses when things started to change. A lot happened, a lot that I asked him to stop doing, my mind felt fuzzy and I felt numb. At one point I couldn’t move and could barely breathe, there were a few moments where I wasn’t sure what he was doing to me, or if he was recording it. I’m not religious but I prayed that I wouldn’t be found dead the following day, I didn’t want my parents to lose their baby at only 19. I don’t know how I got out of the situation, but I did. And I rang my friends straight away, was hysterical and guards found me. I ended up going to the hospital to the sexual assault treatment unit and the women were lovely but that has traumatised me. It was the only time I was ever in hospital and there I was alone. Every day for over 2 years it comes into my mind at least a few times. It happened in the month and in month I started college, I sought college therapy but I’m not sure how much it helped. I disassociate a lot and my emotions are easier to switch off now, but every few hours that night plays into my head. I felt as if I had the worst beginning to college, but I also felt that it was a new chapter and a new experience. I struggled with alcohol abuse for a while and I wasn’t scared to say no to drugs. Thankfully that only lasted a few months. I hit some really bad lows, but I’ve also turned from a caterpillar into a butterfly in a sense. That Christmas I cried, I cried because I was glad to be alive. That I survived what he did to me, and I also survived my mind. But him in my mind still affects me to this day at 21 and a half. I haven’t gone to RCC as I’ve always felt this shame and guilt, I feel very alone as none of my friends were supportive and the news broke out the day after it happened across my small town, and having that victim blaming comments or remarks “like oh wasn’t he apparently younger” going around made it even harder to talk about or the “it wasn’t that bad and it could’ve been worse”, yes it could’ve been worse but it is the worst thing I’ve experienced. I have reached out to therapists and I am considering visiting the rape crisis centre as I have been struggling these 2 years really, I’m happy and have a brave face but that night intrudes and invades my thoughts an awful lot. I’ve also been struggling with my sexual life, after the incident I slept with a lot of people most of it which I can’t remember. And I regret it and feel so much guilt and shame, especially when people ask “oh what’s your body count” well I never tell and I never will as it’s my business. But even after I calmed down, I either get attached easily or I run away, and then feel the shame and guilt around sex, believing that I rushed in. I’m slightly better, but reading these stories reminds me I’m not alone and that I won’t be judged by others and people willing to help. I hope one day, I can feel “normal” again and live the rest of my life as any young woman should. ](/en/story/summer-before-college-it-all-changed-1230) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1278](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/1278) [ Talk, therapy, know it’s nothing you did, know you are amazing and don’t let those sad bastards take that away from you. ](/en/message/talk-therapy-know-its-nothing-you-did-know-you-are-amazing-and-dont-let-those-sad-bastards-take-that-away-from-you-1187) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #652](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/3aae432f-232d-4284-88fb-5903fafecbba) [ I don't know if its possible. ](/en/message/i-dont-know-if-its-possible-555) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### A date to always remember but never forget Each year it crashes in like the waves beating the stand. It brings a swirl of emotion and feelings unbeknownst to my fragile mind. My body seises as it struggles to stay afloat. I gasp as the sharp prickly water traps my body, unable to move, but only to breathe, breathe... breathe... and breathe. A calm air slowly comes over me as I become conscious of this storm. Sobering me, I remember that it will pass... ](/en/story/a-date-to-always-remember-but-never-forget-795) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Name I was raised by a misogynistic narcissist so in my early 20s I thought my boyfriend's behavior was at least better than I was raised with. His behaviour spiralled over the years and there was gaslighting, financial abuse and finally rape. I didn't see the warning signs, sex would be very rough but I thought I enjoyed it. He had lost his job and had not worked for a year at 23, he used to smoke weed and stay up all night playing videogames. More than a few times I woke up to him masturbating so vigorously the bed would shake. One day I was sitting on the loo and I was in a bit of pain and I noticed semen in my knickers that I didn't know how it got there. I remember the ringing sound in my ears, but I decided to ignore it, I mean he couldn't possibly have. Then one night I woke up and he was rummaging in my pajama shorts and I realized he was penetrating me. I remember freezing in the dark and then calling his name. He said he wasn't doing anything, rolled over and went to sleep. I repressed this memory completely. I dumped him a few months later and thankfully moved on with my life. With my current partner (a wonderful man), we were having sex one night early in our relationship and the incident that happened with my ex hit me like a trolley and I had a flashback and a full body panic attack. I had to face what had happened to me then, I thought I was crazy and that no one would believe me, it's not your classic rape case. The incident tortured me mentally for about a year and thankfully I eventually sought help. I still think about revenge every day and am afraid to run into my ex in the city where I live. But we carry on. I am grateful to so many women who have shared their stories or managed to find justice when they report they were attacked in their sleep. We are a powerful bunch us ladies, and I am so thankful I could share my story here today. Bless you all xx ](/en/story/-658) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #633](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/you-are-valid-believed-and-loved-633) [ Love yourself, be kind to yourself, spend money on yourself, you don't need to forgive yourself as you did nothing wrong ](/en/message/love-yourself-be-kind-to-yourself-spend-money-on-yourself-you-dont-need-to-forgive-yourself-as-you-did-nothing-wrong-536) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #679](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/september-679) [ If you think you may have been assaulted you probably have. Take time to deal with it don’t brush it off. It is not the new normal. ](/en/message/if-you-think-you-may-have-been-assaulted-you-probably-have-take-time-to-deal-with-it-dont-brush-it-off-it-is-not-the-new-normal-575) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### a voice When I was 23, after having lost my father to cancer and moving into my first home as a single parent, I was "sexually assaulted" by my uncle who was now one of my neighbours. It was what was possibly deemed a harmless move by him, a drunken misunderstanding where he accidentally but forcefully stuck his tongue in my mouth while consoling me on my loss. The weight of him pressing me into the sofa of my new home. My new place of safety. He was a large man with a wheelbarrow stomach and a stench of unwashed flesh that lingers in the spaces long after he has passed through them. He never spoke a word I could ever understand because his native dialect rested somewhere between a brogue and the sound of someone clearing their throat. I always politely, on account of my aunt, nodded in agreement whenever he spoke to me. I pushed him away and apologetically resisted his advances so as not to offend him. It never occured to me to make a scene, others might have demonstrated greater revolt but I had just left an abusive relationship with the father of my child, a man who was given to dangling phlegm from his mouth over my face while pinning my arms down as a means of foreplay. Being sexually compromised was something that I had long accepted as normal. According to my mother I deserved it, people don't do things to other people unless they deserve it. He was just trying to be nice to me after all. I also learned quickly that if you did happen to discuss things with anyone that they had ways of silencing you. My new neighbours were informed of my single parent status and it's always better to keep girls like me at arms length. I thought I had been finally set free from an abusive relationship only to find myself thrust into a dynamic that set the stage for a lifetime of fear and resprisals from any man that wanted to really. A couple of weeks later my late fathers friend, an elderly gentleman with a family of his own, repeated the experience. A man of standing in the community, he had called to offer his condolances and suggested he could help me find work through a local employment scheme to help me get back on my feet. Once again I found myself on the recieving end of a sexual embrace, ending with him forcing his tongue into my mouth. I didn't get that job, in fact I spent the next twenty years resisting poverty and doing my best under the same kind of unemployment schemes while always being rejected for paid labour. It was on one of these employment schemes where I became the subject of one partcular mans obsession. He was the same age as me although very shy and reserved, maybe because he suffered from a physical disability. He worked in a different office to me and we would see him skulking around outside the building I worked in and often, waiting outside at clock out time. He would casually greet me and join up with our group and continue to follow along with us. The others made fun of him but I felt bad about that and tried my best to be respectful. As our work progamme ended everyone naturally went their own ways but he never left and for twenty years he remained, insisting he was just a friend despite my objections that I had no desire to be with anyone. Most people automatically assume that he was my partner now but in all the years I had known him, I remained single and celibate. I had never been able to consider being in relationship with another man. I never had the freedom to be even if I wanted to. My mother would tell people he was my partner and as it happened, he was very effective at "keeping me out of trouble". Instead, I turned to other women for relationship and in the hope that he, and others, might get the message and leave me alone. It was many years before I found the videos he had been taking of me on his phone when I wasn't looking. It turned out he was a prolific client of escort services too and apparently, acording to the man who's child I bore and raised by myself this meant that I was a paid whore also. It wasn't until I sought help that I learned how I was being portrayed. The first counsellor I went to called me a liar when I told her that my childs father had physically abused me. For three months I sat unable to speak in a psychologist office, being accused of things I had previously been unable to imagine. I lost the ability to verbalise. My nervous system shut down. My body would shake uncontrollably. I tried to kill myself but I didn't know how. I stopped trusting people, least of all the services you would nomally turn to for help. The gaurds, my gp, even the voluntary agencies in places of statutory ones. For years after I struggled to come to terms with this abuse and I was alone through all of it. I did everything I could to drag myself out of that place, yoga, meditation, exercise but none of it made much difference because I could never wipe away the pain on the inside. One day I listened to a story on the radio and in response penned a letter to a rape crisis center. I never considered what I had been through as sexual abuse so I never considered discussing it with anybody. I began to write. I met with a counsellor and handed her my letter. As she spoke the words of my story I heard someone else speaking but it didn't sound like me. I didn't feel ashamed, I felt brave. I didn't feel worthless, I looked at the woman in the chair in front of me and felt like her, like I had value and that my words had meaning. I didn't feel stupid or retarded, I saw a beautiful articulate woman, not a destitute worthless prostitute. After years of being silenced I finally heard the sound of my own voice. I think I slept for two days after that. My own voice has grown stonger every day since. It's kinder and more understanding, more loving and gentle toward myself. I no longer live with the same level of fear as before. The guilt and shame I was used to feeling and that others used to inflict upon me no longer controls me. Something was given back to me that was lost and now no one can ever take it away again. I'm still working on healing myself but I enjoy life in moments and even have goals again. I'm glad that this place can give people a voice too and that those who read these words might hear themselves speaking and will know that they are not alone. ](/en/story/a-voice-687) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Boundaries set & bridges builtI was a prudish teenager in the '80s, an introvert who wanted friend but only on my terms (they had to respect my boundaries, and I had many). It was only in my twenties, while I was working with more liberal people, that I made a conscious decision to cast off my old, narrow way of relating to people because my barriers had become walls. So I opened up more, made myself vulnerable...and attracted perverts. Older men, bosses, colleagues and contacts (I worked in industry). I still had enough boundaries to prevent actual rape, but I would not push them away as forcefully; I would make light of it when a man put his hands on my hips or made some inappropriate comment. This went on for years. I had a few boyfriends in my twenties including one I stayed with for three years and loved (I still love him but don't want a relationship with him and have to keep enforcing psychological boundaries - he was never a sex pest but he wants to be friends and gets upset when I don't want to meet him). Being an introvert, and possibly Aspie (I have yet to find the courage to look for a diagnosis) I have always felt like an outsider, and in relationships always felt as if I was playing at being "sexy". In my forties, the men who breached my sexual boundaries (with inappropriate comments and the occasional arm around me as I sat beside them on a work assignment) were men my own age and slightly younger; I was still attracting men in the same age group: 40s. They would obviously want to take things further, but I would always put up that barrier...and I noticed that after I rebuffed a man I'd lose a work opportunity. I was frozen out of the cliques in my profession (I don't have family in my industry and I did not go to university so I didn't have the underpinning network to fall back on). I dealt with this by developing a tough, jokey exterior; desperate to prove that I was "not a prude", I merged my career with a rather tarty image (I cannot go into details here without possibly revealing who I am or, worse, narrowing it down - which would not be fair to others who might not want their stories told). At first, it actually helped my career and social life; suddenly I was great craic, a youthful looking middle-aged woman who was happy in her own skin, free-spirited - and "great craic". The men who used to flirt with me would also mock-boast "I'm a prude"; they had respectable wives / partners (indeed many of these women were my colleagues). Eventually, it was time for this middle-aged disgrace to be managed out of the industry. It didn't happen all at once; my mentors and good contacts retired or died (these were the people who never abused me). There were various reasons: cutbacks, personality differences, my political views were at odds with my bosses' views, and there were new people looking to fill my role. I adapted by finding a mosaic career, doing a few courses and muddling through. Now I see my former colleagues (the flirts and their partners) getting on with their careers; I am on the outside, looking in. But I was always on the outside. And I have no doubt that my story is very common (a bit like me, some would say!).](/en/story/boundaries-set-and-bridges-built-637) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1282](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/when-a-yes-turns-to-a-no-1282) [ Healing is acceptance and ownership. I am a SA survivor and will always be. ](/en/message/healing-is-acceptance-and-ownership-i-am-a-sa-survivor-and-will-always-be-1192) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #632](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/lets-rebuild-the-boat-a-better-boat-632) [ If you have experienced ANY type of unwarranted sexual harassment, assault, violence - I BELIEVE YOU. YOU ARE VALID AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT. ](/en/message/if-you-have-experienced-any-type-of-unwarranted-sexual-harassment-assault-violence-i-believe-you-you-are-valid-and-you-are-important-534) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #652 I was in my local pub, the landlady told me someone knew to the area was lonely so I asked him to play pool. We hung out a few times after that, one time walking home at the end of the night he took my hand I told him I had a boyfriend. Not long after I was out with my brothers and we met him, after a while they went home and then me and him were walking home, we lived very near each other in a small town so it was normal to walk together. I don't know who suggested walking through the playground which I'd done a million times with other people, but I remember he was kissing me and 3 times I said no and asked him to stop then I froze as I realised I didn't really know him and he could do anything to me, all I could think was let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as I survive and get home to my boyfriend. The next morning I woke up and went to the bathroom, I was bleeding from where he'd raped me anally and bruised where he'd held my arms down. I had love bites on my chest.I don't know how I got home. I started to drink more as I kept bumping into him and he kept asking me to go out with him. When I went to the place of work for work I'd bump into him on the street and need to run home and drink so I could calm down before going back to work. I rang support organisation, I was told not to tell my boyfriend as that would only upset him. 8 years later I went to rehab for alcoholism. It was that or suicide. I did meet up with him once more a few weeks after the assault as I needed to tell him what he'd done was not okay, he didn't care, said he didn't remember. I still feel angry and guilty for not reporting him but he's from another country and left my town many years ago so its not possible, I don't even know his last name. I just hope he hasn't done it to anyone else. I was also afraid that if I reported him that my boyfriend would leave me or that I wouldn't be believed because I was drinking with him. I wish when the landlady asked me to help him that I hadn't and never feel like I can trust my instincts since then. ](/en/story/3aae432f-232d-4284-88fb-5903fafecbba) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Stalked by a professional in Ireland I have been stalked by a professional for the past 7 years. One evening I agreed to meet up with him, as I was afraid of saying no to him. He made sexual advances towards me and I rejected him. He then set about using friends, associates, paid and willing accomplices, to harass and stalk me relentlessly for the past four years. I have been drugged and sexually assaulted in my own home, presumably so that he could share these images online with whoever pays to see them. I have now decided to speak out about my experiences redacted true story of being stalked against a backdrop of no stalking laws. Enough is enough. Women are not safe, and more needs to be done to protect us from predators. Name ](/en/story/stalked-712) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1245](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/305fccf2-030b-4855-b6e4-625ac45d77f4) [ You're not broken and you are worthy of love ](/en/message/youre-not-broken-and-you-are-worthy-of-love-1155) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ Message of hope... You've gotten this far, all those bad ,horrific, gut wrenching, volatile and heart breaking, you did it. Even if this is a far you make it, you took steps, and everything step was for you ](/en/message/message-of-hope-youve-gotten-this-far-all-those-bad-horrific-gut-wrenching-volatile-and-heart-breaking-you-did-it-even-if-this-is-a-far-you-make-it-you-took-steps-and-everything-step-was-for-you-1565) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #781 I never associated my assaults as sexual assaults. I always just saw it as a thing that happened me that was upsetting until recently. I was groped, forced into having sex and preforming oral sex on him. I remember one time he offered to drive me home. I lived over 40 mins from town so I thought i could save myself €60 in a taxi. Until I realised we were going in the opposite direction to my house. He drove me to secluded area. I knew it wasn't right I said no said I was due my period I tried everything I could to deter him. It didn't work. I can't drive that road without a feeling of dread. I do feel part to blame and I know that's wrong. I hate how it makes me feel. When I hear stories in the news I can't help but think my story isn't as bad as theirs or that maybe mine wasn't rape or a sexual assault. I hate myself for thinking it. ](/en/story/5bb2d38e-bb0c-43ad-8a9f-fe95802a9c0a) 5 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “We believe you. Your stories matter.” ##### Community Message 🇺🇸 [ I was 11 when the emotional/physical and sexual abuse began. It ended when I was 15 , a man I looked up to and trusted. I didn’t realise he was grooming me , he said if I told anyone id never see my dad again but for a long time I believed that I was his step daughter so this was normal. I never got justice due to lack of evidence. There was times I convinced myself that this was all in my imagination. Through councelling I have done so much healing. It does get easier , not all men are the same ](/en/message/i-was-11-when-the-emotional-physical-and-sexual-abuse-began-it-ended-when-i-was-15-a-man-i-looked-up-to-and-trusted-i-didnt-realise-he-was-grooming-me-he-said-if-i-told-anyone-id-never-see-my-dad-agai-1479) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “I have learned to abound in the joy of the small things...and God, the kindness of people. Strangers, teachers, friends. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but there is good in the world, and this gives me hope too.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #681 I wrote this poem, while I was in the process of therapy. I was sexually assaulted after a night out. I had only turned 18 and I trusted this person to look after me. He was older age and a family friend. I hope this poem helps someone. You took what wasn’t yours to take You took it and I felt I gave it away I cried and I lied because I was scared I tried to speak up but there was nobody there My friends refused to believe it true As I lied to protect you… how cruel I pretended at the time, that everything was fine My mouth told a story my body knew was a lie I coped with food, drink and drugs You lived your life And I never could what you did has stuck with me for years It took me a while but maybe I am fixed Although it’s been 6 and I seem to be fixed My mind and body are still very mixed I now find time to speak about you Even though I wish I didn’t have to It brings up emotions I wish did not exist You took my power and gave me shame But now I am taking back what you took away It shouldn’t be me who feels disgust It should be you who pays for your crime. I took back my power I took back my life I now know so much more I wish did way before But I can’t change what has already been It was not my fault and I know now it wasn’t me. ](/en/story/f5360d3b-42d1-473d-af4b-86824c7964ae) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are surviving and that is enough. ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1278](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/1278) [ I’m in a loving Marraige, three amazing kids, good job, great friends - it took a tough road to get here but it was worth it xxx ](/en/message/im-in-a-loving-marraige-three-amazing-kids-good-job-great-friends-it-took-a-tough-road-to-get-here-but-it-was-worth-it-xxx-1186) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #1418 A little over A number of years ago, when I was 19, I ended a numbermonth relationship with a man I had met in college. We had met during orientation, and he pursued me romantically very quickly. I was so delighted to be finally seen; I had never been in a relationship and no one had ever been interested in me before. Things moved very quickly, and in hindsight, it should have been a sign of what was to come. He kissed me suddenly one day when we hugged and I didn't turn him down. He was very pushy to progress things along faster than I felt ready for, but I convinced myself that I should be ready. Naively, I agreed to be in a relationship with him a week after meeting. Within a month, our relationship had become more sexual. He had forced his way to take my virginity when I just wanted some foreplay, but again, I didn't object and soothed myself that at least I didn't have a one-night-stand. Two months later, he wanted me to go on birth control when a condom and emergency contraception failed and I had an early miscarriage. He was particularly interested in me getting an implant. I didn't think it was a bad idea, as I didn't want to get pregnant again. Unfortunately, this enabled him to abuse me even more. The relationship turned violent as well as sexually abusive, and he wore me down psychologically, saying I was a terrible girlfriend and pointing out everything I was insecure about. He was very suspicious of my friendships with my male classmates (I was one of four women in a class of 40, I hadn't much choice) and accused me of emotional cheating and flirting with them when it wasn't true. Eventually, I had struck up a friendship with one of his friends he introduced me to from school, who I confided in that we weren't having a happy relationship. I didn't disclose any real detail during our conversations, but he was horrified by his verbal treatment of me and what my boyfriend said to him about me, and encouraged me to leave him gently over several months. I eventually did break up with him in a public space in order to try to be safe. Strangely, he was fine with it. He took his belongings from my apartment and left without any issue. The following day, he had already moved on to kissing another girl in a neighbouring college and ended up being in a relationship with her for many years - his insecurity about me cheating was a projection of his own behaviour. I ended up dating the friend who helped me to leave that relationship and we are now very happily engaged and cut ties from my ex completely, so I'm thankful we met despite the circumstances. Unfortunately, I never had any real evidence besides anecdotal to bring a case against him for what he did to me without my consent. Dates of those events are non-existent in my memory because I accepted it as being my duty as his girlfriend, and I remember very little now (possibly due to my brain wanting to forget the trauma) unless I get nightmares and flashbacks - there are a few moments that won't leave me. I am currently attending counselling and I'm so lucky to have a fiancé now who has always respected and loved me how anyone deserves to be treated, never been pushy for sex, and supported me so strongly when I disclosed to him fully about what happened in that relationship. I'm sad that my abuser walks free and I don't have any way to have justice, nor protect other women from him without facing defamation legal implications. It is hard to feel safe on my own if I am back in the same city where we went to college. I have seen him a few times in public, but thankfully he never saw me or didn't approach me. I have had some panic attacks out in public when this has occurred. I can only hope that maybe he has changed. ](/en/story/d6780364-7cb2-4402-8d03-a974fd500c73) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another. ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #670](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/autistic-voice-670) [ I've a lot of healing to do. Starting with counselling to try understand everything and why it wasn't all my fault. ](/en/message/ive-a-lot-of-healing-to-do-starting-with-counselling-to-try-understand-everything-and-why-it-wasnt-all-my-fault-570) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “It’s always okay to reach out for help” ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Age is not a shield You think your age makes you less to blame, But I carry the weight, I bear the shame. You crossed the line — no excuse to hide, No softer words can wash this tide. I’m not the one who should feel small, You built this cage, you made me fall. No matter your years, no matter your face, You took from me my safe, my space. But here I stand, I claim my voice, I break the chains, I make the choice. I won’t be silent, I won’t back down, I wear my courage like a crown. So hear me now, and hear me clear, Your actions caused this pain and fear. Age won’t protect what you have done— I am the survivor, I have won. ](/en/story/age-is-not-a-shield-1599) 4 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### We believe in you. You are strong. ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #626](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-story-626) [ Sexual violence is the most Earth-shattering and world view altering experience to endure. But speaking as somebody who endured it and came out the other side a more compassionate, stronger woman - you will be ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the next day, but eventually you will be. ](/en/message/sexual-violence-is-the-most-earth-shattering-and-world-view-altering-experience-to-endure-but-speaking-as-somebody-who-endured-it-and-came-out-the-other-side-a-more-compassionate-stronger-woman-you-wi-525) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.” ##### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ As someone who is in the process of court hearings due to rape and sexual assault. It would be nice to find support and speak to others who are in similar situations. ](/en/message/as-someone-who-is-in-the-process-of-court-hearings-due-to-rape-and-sexual-assault-it-would-be-nice-to-find-support-and-speak-to-others-who-are-in-similar-situations-1545) 5 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #681](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/f5360d3b-42d1-473d-af4b-86824c7964ae) [ Healing is owning your story, it’s allowing yourself to process what has happened. ](/en/message/healing-is-owning-your-story-its-allowing-yourself-to-process-what-has-happened-578) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Month I was assaulted for the second time in Month multiple times on the same night by the same person. He removed the condom without my consent. He had sex with me multiple times while I was barely conscious and he had gotten me extremely drunk. I hadn’t realised what had happened until we broke up. I am still struggling to get intimate with men since ](/en/story/september-679) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Title 13 years ago, My Ex-Fiancé didn’t take no for an answer and raped me anally. All I could do was lie there in my own bed in my own home and allow him carry on. And even after that we stayed together for another 6 months, I have never told anyone the type of rape it was or how exactly it happened. The shame and fear of judgement is too overwhelming. I still feel disgusting from it. Lately the flashbacks are getting more frequent. I never reported him, I wish I had gone to a doctor at the time but didn’t. I have moved on but will never forget the feeling. ](/en/story/1281) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #626](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-story-626) [ Not thinking about what happened all day, every day, 24/7/365. Feeling like myself again. ❤️ ](/en/message/not-thinking-about-what-happened-all-day-every-day-24-7-365-feeling-like-myself-again-526) Dear reader, this message contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1681](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/a-persons-place-in-society-doesnt-excuse-them-from-what-they-done-1681) [ Healing to me is reminding myself that no matter what I never deserved this and I know the truth. The days I get consumed I remind myself that 8 months ago I was too afraid to leave my house, today and everyday I am stronger and will not allow anyone to determine my future. YOU ARE NOT WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU ❤️ ](/en/message/healing-to-me-is-reminding-myself-that-no-matter-what-i-never-deserved-this-and-i-know-the-truth-the-days-i-get-consumed-i-remind-myself-that-8-months-ago-i-was-too-afraid-to-leave-my-house-today-and-1512) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [My StoryI had a date over to my house. When he had got there I had already had a bottle of wine. He brought a bottle of wine for me with him. I continued to drink until I blacked out and all I can remember is him showering my own vomit off me and eventually him raping me. I went to therapy that week and laughed off the question “can you consent after two bottles of wine?” I told everyone at the time I had sex with him. I completely blocked it out for two years. However during this time it really impacted me. Due to a multitude of factors I attempted suicide 4 times while I was in denial about the fact that I was raped. 2 years after the rape I was getting ready to go play a sport I was well versed in with some new people which would include men. I got incredibly angry at the thought of men telling me how to play a sport I knew so much about. When I asked myself why I was so angry. It finally hit me that what had happened 2 years prior was rape. I contacted the local sexual violence centre. Who have now been able to offer me counselling. Since I admitted to myself that it was rape and it happened to me I’ve been better able to deal with the emotions that come with it. The first week after realising what happened I used to walk down the street with clenched fists terrified of every man I saw. Thankfully through talking to friends and sharing my story this is not the case anymore. I found it so bizzare that I had essentially blocked out the fact that I was raped for two years. But on reading up on trauma it made me feel more normal for my response. In terms of legal action I have no evidence the man was even in my house so unfortunately I cannot defend myself in this way. It would be my word against his. This is upsetting to me but I am ready to move on with my life. I am studying in college now and have a fantastic understanding, caring boyfriend who respects me to his core.](/en/story/my-story-636) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Make consent modules mandatory in secondary school( my story )I was in my late teens , growing up as the Queer girl in school, subjected to years of bullying and sitting my leaving cert when I decided one day not entirely sure why that it was time for me to learn how to drive , with this new goal in mind I went to speak to my dad about potentially starting lessons and getting a car when he told me I should get a part time job to build a good work ethic and pay for this myself , I thought this was fair and began searching, the stars all seemed to align when a local restaurant was hiring for part time weekend staff, I applied and was hired, I remember on my first day meeting 2 men who worked there a man in his early 30s I'll call James and one in his late teens a year or so older than me we can call bob , I was quiet and kept my head down for the first few weeks but eventually began to open up and become more comfortable with the other staff particularly Bob since we where a similar age and had some matching interests, Bob looked much older than he actually was since he had a scraggly beard , we exchanged social media and began chatting fairly regularly about work but soon about almost everything we talked alot over this period , I had 2 friends in the same school as Bob who where concerned about this due to Bob having a less than favoured reputation It was a few weeks later when Bob asked about pursuing a relationship, at first I was hesitant due to the fact we where coworkers but decided to give him a chance , I remember I would always feel a sense of dread before meeting with Bob despite not being entirely sure why I had 2 pet ferrets at the time who are usually incredibly friendly absolutely hate the guy , we had a few heated arguments surrounding boundaries and consent and it became relatively clear to me that he lacked understanding on what consent actually was but being a dumb teenager I thought that was something minor that could be worked on It was the summer when we went out drinking and went back to watch a movie and stay over , I remember watching a TV show and feeling quite unwell, I wasn't used to consuming alcohol and had a very low tolerance, I went to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet, when I returned I did not feel good at all I don't remember much for a while past this point but I remember feeling a strong pain in my lower abdomen I opened my eyes and as they adjusted to the light I realised I was naked from the waist down and Bob was on top of me , being under the influence of alot of alcohol I didn't fully grasp the situation and just tried to pull away I got to the top of the bed and held onto the bed frame I was mainly confused and in pain when I was dragged by my legs back down the bed , finally started to grasp the gravity of the situation I managed to whine "stop" no response , I don't remember much after this point but I do remember limping to the bathroom and immediately throwing up in the worst pain I have ever felt , this is the part that's clearest in my mind , not the act the aftermath of it , grabbing a shower head and spraying ice Cold water all over my thighs to wash off blood in tears but not making a sound beyond , it felt like an out of body experience I remember staggering back out of the bathroom in pure survival mode , This was over a year ago now and it still affects my daily life , I have alot of self doubt and regret , I know deep down that its not my fault but for some reason it's incredibly hard to believe that whole heartedly , I feel like it carries a stigma when I meet people it's Easy to gauge whether they know or not based of their reaction to me and although I've had alot of support from my friends it still feels as if it'd be better if nobody knew , not a day goes by where I don't think about it , there are ups and downs If there was one thing I could change with the current education system it would be to please make consent a mandatory part of the sphe module and not just a brief touched on subject a genuine important part that's explored on depth by trained staff , I feel like it could save so many people so much heartache and trauma](/en/story/make-consent-modules-mandatory-in-secondary-school-my-story-1218) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #1518](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/ba92e91f-06a4-4d81-9186-2c65970a3b65) [ I’m able to get out of bed, laugh with my friends, achieve great things and carry on with my life, when all of that felt impossible at one point. ](/en/message/im-able-to-get-out-of-bed-laugh-with-my-friends-achieve-great-things-and-carry-on-with-my-life-when-all-of-that-felt-impossible-at-one-point-1346) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #620](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/my-dad-my-hero-my-idol-my-abuser-620) [ You are not your story. Your story does not define you. Your story is simply a piece of you. The journey of healing may be dark at times but there is always hope and always help. Us survivors are all the same. Regardless of our experience we are all incredible. You never know who you are inspiring by simply getting up in the morning. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. Keep going. And remember, that every day you open your eyes, is a day worth remembering how amazing you are. ](/en/message/you-are-not-your-story-your-story-does-not-define-you-your-story-is-simply-a-piece-of-you-the-journey-of-healing-may-be-dark-at-times-but-there-is-always-hope-and-always-help-us-survivors-are-all-the-523) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### The nightmare come true I was with my ex and I had just started some new tablets that made me sleepy. I tell my ex that I’m going to sleep and he continues to play his video game. I wake in a daze around an hour later and he is raping me and enjoying it. I react by making noises out of fear and wait for him to finish up the act , I just froze in fear. Once it was over I was mad he never got consent but he told me that he thought I wanted it. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not over it ](/en/story/the-nightmare-come-true-645) 3 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #676 I don't imagine that you are lying in bed, thinking about number of years ago. That's my curse to live with. The Mark you made upon me. You raped me, in that miserable and dark car park. Held against my will, and now I lie here thinking, reliving, or simply just living with what you did. Wishing I could change The past. Wishing I could change Your past that you probably don't even remember. Lucky you. Rape and move on. Lucky you. I didn't save your number. Lucky you. I don't know your last name. Lucky you. I didn't report it. Lucky me. I didn't report it... because what was I wearing? And how much had I drank? And why didn't I scream or fight? And why didn't I run or take flight? Facing fear, I froze. Lucky, lucky you. ](/en/story/3178b95e-6bea-4df2-be12-81960e14bc11) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇨🇭 [Story #1258](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/d2c18322-f55e-47c4-abed-c4d6a9357df2) [ You are not alone. ❤️ ](/en/message/you-are-not-alone-1165) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇩🇪 [Story #1279](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/8cb41d3a-eae0-4be6-96a3-7bc1ef2b9ca7) [ Learning to love my own body again ](/en/message/learning-to-love-my-own-body-again-1188) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### #682 I was sexually assaulted while living abroad for college. I did not accept what had happened to me for some months and allowed my life to spin out of control. I am doing better for myself now and picking up the pieces after having accepted the reality. But I am finding it harder and harder to process and work though the thought of memories of the incident. It feels like im taking one step forward and two steps back. Luckily I have people who I confided in but I feel like asking to talk about it is too much to ask. I can still feel everything, it hurts in my body and I hate that this happened to me and I want so badly to move on. ](/en/story/ded9b73d-0673-47b2-95c4-6a1da443970d) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### My Dad - My Hero, My Idol, My Abuser....... As an only child, I had no one to look up to really as a kid. But I always looked up to my Dad. Even though he was never really around due to work (although Mam worked more than he did and still found lots of time to spend with me), I still idolised him. He was my hero. He would always say 'Dads know everything - remember that', so lying to my dad (even little white lies) were pointless. Though when I hit 13 I began to realise he actually DID know everything. He knew what myself and my friends would talk about, he would know exactly where I was and who I was with without even needing to ask me, and I would always wonder why. In reality he had my phone tracked and could read all my messages. Now that I have been through the court system and he has been imprisoned for the abuse he inflicted upon me, I can confirm that he was in fact grooming me from the age of 13. About a month after my 18th Birthday, began the horrific 7.5 year abuse that I suffered. My Dad, masked for the first 2 years as a stranger, blackmailed me into performing sexual acts with strange men in our home - the one place I should've felt safe. When I finally realised it was him, I couldn't tell you how it then turned into just open ended abuse and rape from him. He would advertise us as a couple on hook up sites and in order to avoid physical beatings I would go along with it. I feared for my life so much that endless rapes and sexual assaults were easier - imagine that being the easiest choice - until you're in it, you just don't know how you'll react. I stopped going out, I gave up my hobbies, whilst in college I gave up my part time job - he controlled every single part of my life. And if I even let my "everything is rosey' mask slip even for a second, especially in front of my Mam, well it just doesn't bear thinking about. Fortunately for me, once Mam did find out, he was gone out of my life within 30 mins. Unfortunately, he went on to groom and abuse others after that. He was convicted, and is currently serving his prison sentence - but the fear of him stilll remains. ](/en/story/my-dad-my-hero-my-idol-my-abuser-620) 3 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/?country=ve) English [English](/en/)[Español](/es/)[日本語](/ja/) [ About We-Consent ](https://www.we-consent.ie)[ About We-Speak ](/en/about) We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Read our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/en/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/en/legal/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us For immediate help, visit {{resource}} We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre | Read our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/en/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/en/legal/terms) | [ #### Resources ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](/en/legal/community-guidelines) to help us keep We-Speak a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to We-Speak and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready