--- title: We-Speak Community ~ A safe harbor for survivors description: A safe harbor for survivors of sexual harm, domestic violence, and child abuse. Share your story, exchange messages of hope, and find community support. url: https://www.wespeak.ie/index.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]\[Image: We-Speak Logo\]](/) [ Community ](/)[ Questions & Answers ](/learn)[ Find Support ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/?country=ve) English [English](/en)[Español](/es)[日本語](/ja) [ About We-Consent ](https://www.we-consent.ie)[ About We-Speak ](/about) We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Read our [Community Guidelines](/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/legal/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us # Community All Community messages Survivor stories Curated Sort by - Curated - Newest Format Format - Narrative - Artwork Find by Tag ### Welcome to We-Speak. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### About the monster I use to date date my own boyfriend done it to me many times , I would sleep over at his gaf and he would always make me tea from “his culture “ but hmm lookin back I would knock out right after and I had never done anything sexual before , when I was waking up in pain , bleeding , i thought there was something wrong with me and I would always be confused . Lookin back I knew what he was doing in the back of my head but I was In denial I felt bad for assuming that was happing “he doesn’t give off rapey vibes “ thats what I would think little did I know . dateof being with him he did get very mentally and phsysically abusive but things were bad at home and I thought his house was better bc “I could actually sleep “ BUT I DIDNT KNOW I WAS ONY SLEEPING BC I WAS GETTING DRUGGED . The story use to make me soooo mad but looking back i cant judge the past with what I know now . Anyways so one day in date I have some “tea” and I pass out on his couch and I wake up to him molesting me and starting to do stuff to me while I was passed out and I start freaking out and I low-key cant rember anything after that I just rember the next day i woke up in his bed he was rushing me to get ready and I was so confused and was like ??? Huh Ajd i didnt know how to process what had happened lastnight and I can’t txt my mam bc she didn’t even know where I was she didn’t know I was seeing this fella she thought I was at a friends and I thought she’d be more mad at me lyin than me gettibg raped and finally realising whag was happening , he lived in the middle of nowhere his hoise was gated no one lived there i got in the car hoping HED bring me home like he usally does but nope i was in that car he drove me for over 4 hours to theplace no stops , he took my phone , and yea I was stuck in the placewoth his , he drove to sn underground parking lot,no people , we went in an elevator , got out on theplace and I was locked in a place(no idea how he could even stay here and how he booked it ) anyways that was the worst week of my life i was gettin raped over and over again , drugged ,physically abused , for a week staright I felt like I was going insaneeee but it was weird like I was on survival mode and I tried to escape and I remeber vividly I was drugged , undone the locks , but I was fighting the drug and I got to an elevator and I was pressing the button over and over and he obviously caught up i rember backing up into a corner of the elevator and bro dead ahhh grabbed my ancle and I rember feelin ny head hit smthin bc I got pulled wi sn force abd i woke up like 24 hourssssss later the next day in bed , sooooo yea then I can’t even REMEBER how but I convince him 3 days later that I love him and I don’t mind him VIOLATING MY BODY and I would “stay wi him forever I loved him “ but yall I just wanted to get home I missed my dog , for once things at home seemed way better , I was greatful all it was I had to deal with at home were my parents arguing at night and I couldn’t sleep , yk a lot better than this shit so yea ended up getting home , still to this day my parents and family have no idea this happened , I blocked my horrible ex on everything hes gone from my life thank god , this is the first time im telling the whole story not even my councillor knows all this , but yea thats the summary , after I came back I didn’t know what to do , my friend forced me to go satu , they helped , mentally struggled for a longgggg time YHIS wss a rough journey but finally i can say it wasnt my fault screw him and no one deserves something like this to happen to them . ](/story/about-the-monster-i-use-to-date-2020) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #2020](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/about-the-monster-i-use-to-date-2020) [ If you're reading this because something happened to you, I just want to start by saying I'm so sorry. I know how lonely it can feel. For the longest time, I genuinely thought I was the only person who felt the way I did. I kept thinking, "Why can't I just get over this?" or "Why am I still thinking about it?" I felt guilty for talking about it, guilty for not talking about it, guilty for having bad days, guilty for having good days. Trauma has a funny way of making you feel guilty for things that were never your fault. After everything happened, I didn't feel like me anymore. People would see me in college or at work and probably think I was okay. I wasn't. I'd go home and have nightmares. I'd get flashbacks that made me feel like I was right back there again. I'd freeze when people got too close to me. I felt scared in situations that had never scared me before, and I hated that because I just wanted my old life back. The worst part wasn't even the day it happened. The worst part was feeling like I'd lost myself afterwards. I kept wondering if I'd ever laugh properly again, ever trust people again, or ever stop thinking about it. Some days I honestly thought this was just who I was going to be forever. But I was wrong. Healing didn't happen overnight. It wasn't one big moment where everything suddenly got better. It was loads of tiny moments that didn't feel important at the time. Going to counselling. Letting myself cry instead of pretending I was grand. Realising that having a bad day didn't mean I was back at square one. Slowly, I started finding bits of myself again. I found comfort in making art because it let me express things I couldn't always put into words. It reminded me that there was still a part of me that trauma couldn't touch. I'm still healing, and I think that's okay. I don't think healing means forgetting. I don't think it means pretending it never happened. I think it means getting to a point where what happened is part of your story, but it isn't your whole story anymore. The reason I'm sharing this isn't because I have all the answers. I'm sharing it because, a year ago, I desperately needed someone to tell me that the way I was feeling was normal after something so traumatic. So if that's you... Please don't blame yourself. Please don't think you're "too much" because you're struggling. Please don't think you're weak because you're still affected. And please don't give up on yourself. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but it does get lighter. Not all at once. Not in a straight line. But little by little. One day you'll catch yourself laughing without forcing it. One day you'll realise you went a whole afternoon without thinking about what happened. One day you'll look back and realise you've survived days you never thought you'd get through. If nobody has told you this today, I'll tell you. I'm proud of you for still being here. And if you're reading this feeling completely alone, you're not. Neither of us should ever have had to go through what happened. But neither of us has to go through healing alone. ](/message/if-youre-reading-this-because-something-happened-to-you-i-just-want-to-start-by-saying-im-so-sorry-i-know-how-lonely-it-can-feel-for-the-longest-time-i-genuinely-thought-i-was-the-only-person-who-felt-1931) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### No experience is small. You are a victim even if you think it “could have been worse” ❤️ For me, my story entailed a male friend getting into my bed when i told him not to and forcing me to ‘cuddle’ with him, while he grabbed at me. He had been telling me all night how he missed his girlfriend, particularly her body & “that” part of their relationship. I felt horrible, i was uncomfortable and scared that he might do more. He didnt. But still even years later i feel uneasy when i think about it & how creepy he really was. He ignored me when i said no. He took away my autonomy that night. So dont feel like your story isnt worthy just because it “could have been worse”. Every experience is valid ❤️ ](/story/no-experience-is-small-you-are-a-victim-even-if-you-think-it-could-have-been-worse-646) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “You are the author of your own story. Your story is yours and yours alone despite your experiences.” ###### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ As someone who is in the process of court hearings due to rape and sexual assault. It would be nice to find support and speak to others who are in similar situations. ](/message/as-someone-who-is-in-the-process-of-court-hearings-due-to-rape-and-sexual-assault-it-would-be-nice-to-find-support-and-speak-to-others-who-are-in-similar-situations-255) 6 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Liberation High Priest, You are not my superior Nor would I say equal The darkness overtook you? Abdication of responsibility - not good enough "Call to my house" You opened the door to naivety and trust Vulnerability at the worst You - only lust. In this now New Earth With the light streaming in I see your cowardice, your sin You took the phone off the hook Now, two decades later, to be disturbed The light won't let the dirt hide any longer Now I am stronger. I forgive you to set myself free You have played your part I am at peace, in my power and to reiterate, free. ](/story/liberation-691) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1162](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/an-exploited-friendship-1162) [ Sharing and seeking help will do more good for you than you’ll see or feel for a long time. People are genuinely here to help, you’ll be surprised who has similar stories. ](/message/sharing-and-seeking-help-will-do-more-good-for-you-than-youll-see-or-feel-for-a-long-time-people-are-genuinely-here-to-help-youll-be-surprised-who-has-similar-stories-1205) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Daring Greatly Daring Greatly I sit staring out into the vastness of the ocean. The waves look particularly angry today as they crash aggressively onto the rocks along the shore. Even here, on this tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, the water seems to mirror how I feel internally. On this particular day, I’m wondering if I’ll ever feel like my life hasn’t been defined by that night. The night that everything changed. My life is split into the before and the after. I’ve always felt connected to the sea. It has been my safe place. The place I go when my thoughts feel overwhelming and all consuming. That night could only be described as a tsunami-like tidal wave that changed everything. It changed me and it left me broken. Broken but not irreparably so. The ebb and flow of grief has stayed with me since that night. I have grieved the person I was and the many versions of the life I never got to lead because of that night. Because of them. Because of you. The relationships lost, the paths not taken, the doors that were left unopened as I found my footing on this new path. Even now, there are days where I feel unsure about this path I’m on. As a naturally stubborn individual, being forced onto this path goes against absolutely everything that feels normal to me. Most of the time, I feel like I live in a dual existence of sorts. Pretending to be happy around those who have no idea on the days where it feels like I’m drowning. Keeping my walls up around me like armour, so that only a select few know the extent of how that night has infiltrated every crevice of my being; how it still lives in my head every single day. If something is broken, my natural instinct is to try, in whatever way I can, to fix it. This has been no different. The very first time I learned about trauma and how it has the ability to change your brain, I wanted to know everything. Learn everything. Educate myself; in my never ending quest to fix this. To fix me. Suddenly my world made sense again. The shame I felt. The darkness. An incredible woman I have been lucky enough to work with on this journey once told me that the cure for trauma is connection. It brings the shame out into the light. That changed me in ways she’ll never fully know. It allowed me to realise this is not my fault. I am not to blame. It’s ok to let some people in. Although fear has kept that circle small, I have let them in. I have let them see me on my very worst days. I have let them see me broken and let down by the justice system. I have let them see me drowning in grief instead of pretending. I have let them see all of me. I am not perfect. I act out and self-isolate and from time to time attempt to self-destruct. I am angry. I am grieving and some days I’m really sad. But I am healing. I have survived every single day I didn’t think I would when the shame and darkness felt all consuming. I am strong. I am resilient. I am a survivor. I am eternally grateful for my circle who allows me to be my sad but strong, grieving but resilient, still slightly broken self. For those who give me the time and space to bring the trauma out into the light. Every time you allow me that grace, you help a part of me to heal a little more. This journey is the loneliest, most isolating one I have ever taken. One none of us ever choose to take yet we find ourselves here. Learning to walk on a path we didn’t choose. I have often wondered if there will ever be a day when that night is no longer something I think of every single day. There are days I still feel lost. But I have learned that healing isn’t about finding a way back to the person I was before. She doesn’t exist anymore. And maybe that’s okay. Because I am becoming someone else. Someone who can carry grief without letting it carry her. Someone who can be angry but still gentle. Someone who can be broken yet still whole. I didn’t choose this road. I never would have. But I am here. Daring Greatly. And I am going to be okay. ](/story/daring-greatly-1992) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇩🇪 [Story #678](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/678) [ It does get better. It doesn’t mean it will happen again. There is still love and joy in the world, even after it all. It just might take time to see it. ](/message/it-does-get-better-it-doesnt-mean-it-will-happen-again-there-is-still-love-and-joy-in-the-world-even-after-it-all-it-just-might-take-time-to-see-it-744) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.” ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Poetry is my therapy Hello, My name is Name & I would like to share one of my poems to (hopefully) be read at Event 😊 This poem is called "He Didn't Hit Me" and it is based on my own personal experience with an abusive relationship. I hope that anyone reading this poem & it resonates with them will take comfort in knowing that they are not alone ❤️ He Didn't Hit Me He didn't hit me, but his words cut like a knife, He didn't hit me, but he upended my life. He didn't hit me, but he made false accusations, He didn't hit me, but he had unreasonable expectations. He didn't hit me, but destroyed my hopes & dreams, He didn't hit me but ripped my confidence at the seams. He didn't hit me, but I always had to take the blame, For his shortcomings, moods & his manipulative game. Abuse isn't just physical, this I know to be true, Gaslighting & manipulation are powerful tools, Knowing I deserve better, I am finally free, For I am much more than what he tried to make of me. ](/story/poetry-is-my-therapy-1679) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #663](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/healing-can-and-does-happen-663) [ I do believe, I do know that healing is possible. The hurt happened in a relationship and healing can and does happen in relationship with an experienced therapist. While the struggles have been difficult at times, I can now say that all the hard work I put into my own healing has brought me to where I am today. I feel happy within and although life still brings its struggles I feel I can deal with life's challenges differently now. ](/message/i-do-believe-i-do-know-that-healing-is-possible-the-hurt-happened-in-a-relationship-and-healing-can-and-does-happen-in-relationship-with-an-experienced-therapist-while-the-struggles-have-been-difficul-738) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ### Welcome to We-Speak. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### No experience is small. You are a victim even if you think it “could have been worse” ❤️ For me, my story entailed a male friend getting into my bed when i told him not to and forcing me to ‘cuddle’ with him, while he grabbed at me. He had been telling me all night how he missed his girlfriend, particularly her body & “that” part of their relationship. I felt horrible, i was uncomfortable and scared that he might do more. He didnt. But still even years later i feel uneasy when i think about it & how creepy he really was. He ignored me when i said no. He took away my autonomy that night. So dont feel like your story isnt worthy just because it “could have been worse”. Every experience is valid ❤️ ](/story/no-experience-is-small-you-are-a-victim-even-if-you-think-it-could-have-been-worse-646) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Liberation High Priest, You are not my superior Nor would I say equal The darkness overtook you? Abdication of responsibility - not good enough "Call to my house" You opened the door to naivety and trust Vulnerability at the worst You - only lust. In this now New Earth With the light streaming in I see your cowardice, your sin You took the phone off the hook Now, two decades later, to be disturbed The light won't let the dirt hide any longer Now I am stronger. I forgive you to set myself free You have played your part I am at peace, in my power and to reiterate, free. ](/story/liberation-691) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇩🇪 [Story #678](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/678) [ It does get better. It doesn’t mean it will happen again. There is still love and joy in the world, even after it all. It just might take time to see it. ](/message/it-does-get-better-it-doesnt-mean-it-will-happen-again-there-is-still-love-and-joy-in-the-world-even-after-it-all-it-just-might-take-time-to-see-it-744) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #663](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/healing-can-and-does-happen-663) [ I do believe, I do know that healing is possible. The hurt happened in a relationship and healing can and does happen in relationship with an experienced therapist. While the struggles have been difficult at times, I can now say that all the hard work I put into my own healing has brought me to where I am today. I feel happy within and although life still brings its struggles I feel I can deal with life's challenges differently now. ](/message/i-do-believe-i-do-know-that-healing-is-possible-the-hurt-happened-in-a-relationship-and-healing-can-and-does-happen-in-relationship-with-an-experienced-therapist-while-the-struggles-have-been-difficul-738) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### About the monster I use to date date my own boyfriend done it to me many times , I would sleep over at his gaf and he would always make me tea from “his culture “ but hmm lookin back I would knock out right after and I had never done anything sexual before , when I was waking up in pain , bleeding , i thought there was something wrong with me and I would always be confused . Lookin back I knew what he was doing in the back of my head but I was In denial I felt bad for assuming that was happing “he doesn’t give off rapey vibes “ thats what I would think little did I know . dateof being with him he did get very mentally and phsysically abusive but things were bad at home and I thought his house was better bc “I could actually sleep “ BUT I DIDNT KNOW I WAS ONY SLEEPING BC I WAS GETTING DRUGGED . The story use to make me soooo mad but looking back i cant judge the past with what I know now . Anyways so one day in date I have some “tea” and I pass out on his couch and I wake up to him molesting me and starting to do stuff to me while I was passed out and I start freaking out and I low-key cant rember anything after that I just rember the next day i woke up in his bed he was rushing me to get ready and I was so confused and was like ??? Huh Ajd i didnt know how to process what had happened lastnight and I can’t txt my mam bc she didn’t even know where I was she didn’t know I was seeing this fella she thought I was at a friends and I thought she’d be more mad at me lyin than me gettibg raped and finally realising whag was happening , he lived in the middle of nowhere his hoise was gated no one lived there i got in the car hoping HED bring me home like he usally does but nope i was in that car he drove me for over 4 hours to theplace no stops , he took my phone , and yea I was stuck in the placewoth his , he drove to sn underground parking lot,no people , we went in an elevator , got out on theplace and I was locked in a place(no idea how he could even stay here and how he booked it ) anyways that was the worst week of my life i was gettin raped over and over again , drugged ,physically abused , for a week staright I felt like I was going insaneeee but it was weird like I was on survival mode and I tried to escape and I remeber vividly I was drugged , undone the locks , but I was fighting the drug and I got to an elevator and I was pressing the button over and over and he obviously caught up i rember backing up into a corner of the elevator and bro dead ahhh grabbed my ancle and I rember feelin ny head hit smthin bc I got pulled wi sn force abd i woke up like 24 hourssssss later the next day in bed , sooooo yea then I can’t even REMEBER how but I convince him 3 days later that I love him and I don’t mind him VIOLATING MY BODY and I would “stay wi him forever I loved him “ but yall I just wanted to get home I missed my dog , for once things at home seemed way better , I was greatful all it was I had to deal with at home were my parents arguing at night and I couldn’t sleep , yk a lot better than this shit so yea ended up getting home , still to this day my parents and family have no idea this happened , I blocked my horrible ex on everything hes gone from my life thank god , this is the first time im telling the whole story not even my councillor knows all this , but yea thats the summary , after I came back I didn’t know what to do , my friend forced me to go satu , they helped , mentally struggled for a longgggg time YHIS wss a rough journey but finally i can say it wasnt my fault screw him and no one deserves something like this to happen to them . ](/story/about-the-monster-i-use-to-date-2020) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “You are the author of your own story. Your story is yours and yours alone despite your experiences.” ###### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇬🇧 [Story #1162](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/an-exploited-friendship-1162) [ Sharing and seeking help will do more good for you than you’ll see or feel for a long time. People are genuinely here to help, you’ll be surprised who has similar stories. ](/message/sharing-and-seeking-help-will-do-more-good-for-you-than-youll-see-or-feel-for-a-long-time-people-are-genuinely-here-to-help-youll-be-surprised-who-has-similar-stories-1205) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.” ###### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇮🇪 [Story #2020](https://www.wespeak.ie/story/about-the-monster-i-use-to-date-2020) [ If you're reading this because something happened to you, I just want to start by saying I'm so sorry. I know how lonely it can feel. For the longest time, I genuinely thought I was the only person who felt the way I did. I kept thinking, "Why can't I just get over this?" or "Why am I still thinking about it?" I felt guilty for talking about it, guilty for not talking about it, guilty for having bad days, guilty for having good days. Trauma has a funny way of making you feel guilty for things that were never your fault. After everything happened, I didn't feel like me anymore. People would see me in college or at work and probably think I was okay. I wasn't. I'd go home and have nightmares. I'd get flashbacks that made me feel like I was right back there again. I'd freeze when people got too close to me. I felt scared in situations that had never scared me before, and I hated that because I just wanted my old life back. The worst part wasn't even the day it happened. The worst part was feeling like I'd lost myself afterwards. I kept wondering if I'd ever laugh properly again, ever trust people again, or ever stop thinking about it. Some days I honestly thought this was just who I was going to be forever. But I was wrong. Healing didn't happen overnight. It wasn't one big moment where everything suddenly got better. It was loads of tiny moments that didn't feel important at the time. Going to counselling. Letting myself cry instead of pretending I was grand. Realising that having a bad day didn't mean I was back at square one. Slowly, I started finding bits of myself again. I found comfort in making art because it let me express things I couldn't always put into words. It reminded me that there was still a part of me that trauma couldn't touch. I'm still healing, and I think that's okay. I don't think healing means forgetting. I don't think it means pretending it never happened. I think it means getting to a point where what happened is part of your story, but it isn't your whole story anymore. The reason I'm sharing this isn't because I have all the answers. I'm sharing it because, a year ago, I desperately needed someone to tell me that the way I was feeling was normal after something so traumatic. So if that's you... Please don't blame yourself. Please don't think you're "too much" because you're struggling. Please don't think you're weak because you're still affected. And please don't give up on yourself. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but it does get lighter. Not all at once. Not in a straight line. But little by little. One day you'll catch yourself laughing without forcing it. One day you'll realise you went a whole afternoon without thinking about what happened. One day you'll look back and realise you've survived days you never thought you'd get through. If nobody has told you this today, I'll tell you. I'm proud of you for still being here. And if you're reading this feeling completely alone, you're not. Neither of us should ever have had to go through what happened. But neither of us has to go through healing alone. ](/message/if-youre-reading-this-because-something-happened-to-you-i-just-want-to-start-by-saying-im-so-sorry-i-know-how-lonely-it-can-feel-for-the-longest-time-i-genuinely-thought-i-was-the-only-person-who-felt-1931) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Community Message 🇮🇪 [ As someone who is in the process of court hearings due to rape and sexual assault. It would be nice to find support and speak to others who are in similar situations. ](/message/as-someone-who-is-in-the-process-of-court-hearings-due-to-rape-and-sexual-assault-it-would-be-nice-to-find-support-and-speak-to-others-who-are-in-similar-situations-255) 6 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Daring Greatly Daring Greatly I sit staring out into the vastness of the ocean. The waves look particularly angry today as they crash aggressively onto the rocks along the shore. Even here, on this tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, the water seems to mirror how I feel internally. On this particular day, I’m wondering if I’ll ever feel like my life hasn’t been defined by that night. The night that everything changed. My life is split into the before and the after. I’ve always felt connected to the sea. It has been my safe place. The place I go when my thoughts feel overwhelming and all consuming. That night could only be described as a tsunami-like tidal wave that changed everything. It changed me and it left me broken. Broken but not irreparably so. The ebb and flow of grief has stayed with me since that night. I have grieved the person I was and the many versions of the life I never got to lead because of that night. Because of them. Because of you. The relationships lost, the paths not taken, the doors that were left unopened as I found my footing on this new path. Even now, there are days where I feel unsure about this path I’m on. As a naturally stubborn individual, being forced onto this path goes against absolutely everything that feels normal to me. Most of the time, I feel like I live in a dual existence of sorts. Pretending to be happy around those who have no idea on the days where it feels like I’m drowning. Keeping my walls up around me like armour, so that only a select few know the extent of how that night has infiltrated every crevice of my being; how it still lives in my head every single day. If something is broken, my natural instinct is to try, in whatever way I can, to fix it. This has been no different. The very first time I learned about trauma and how it has the ability to change your brain, I wanted to know everything. Learn everything. Educate myself; in my never ending quest to fix this. To fix me. Suddenly my world made sense again. The shame I felt. The darkness. An incredible woman I have been lucky enough to work with on this journey once told me that the cure for trauma is connection. It brings the shame out into the light. That changed me in ways she’ll never fully know. It allowed me to realise this is not my fault. I am not to blame. It’s ok to let some people in. Although fear has kept that circle small, I have let them in. I have let them see me on my very worst days. I have let them see me broken and let down by the justice system. I have let them see me drowning in grief instead of pretending. I have let them see all of me. I am not perfect. I act out and self-isolate and from time to time attempt to self-destruct. I am angry. I am grieving and some days I’m really sad. But I am healing. I have survived every single day I didn’t think I would when the shame and darkness felt all consuming. I am strong. I am resilient. I am a survivor. I am eternally grateful for my circle who allows me to be my sad but strong, grieving but resilient, still slightly broken self. For those who give me the time and space to bring the trauma out into the light. Every time you allow me that grace, you help a part of me to heal a little more. This journey is the loneliest, most isolating one I have ever taken. One none of us ever choose to take yet we find ourselves here. Learning to walk on a path we didn’t choose. I have often wondered if there will ever be a day when that night is no longer something I think of every single day. There are days I still feel lost. But I have learned that healing isn’t about finding a way back to the person I was before. She doesn’t exist anymore. And maybe that’s okay. Because I am becoming someone else. Someone who can carry grief without letting it carry her. Someone who can be angry but still gentle. Someone who can be broken yet still whole. I didn’t choose this road. I never would have. But I am here. Daring Greatly. And I am going to be okay. ](/story/daring-greatly-1992) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ###### Story From a survivor 🇮🇪 [ #### Poetry is my therapy Hello, My name is Name & I would like to share one of my poems to (hopefully) be read at Event 😊 This poem is called "He Didn't Hit Me" and it is based on my own personal experience with an abusive relationship. I hope that anyone reading this poem & it resonates with them will take comfort in knowing that they are not alone ❤️ He Didn't Hit Me He didn't hit me, but his words cut like a knife, He didn't hit me, but he upended my life. He didn't hit me, but he made false accusations, He didn't hit me, but he had unreasonable expectations. He didn't hit me, but destroyed my hopes & dreams, He didn't hit me but ripped my confidence at the seams. He didn't hit me, but I always had to take the blame, For his shortcomings, moods & his manipulative game. Abuse isn't just physical, this I know to be true, Gaslighting & manipulation are powerful tools, Knowing I deserve better, I am finally free, For I am much more than what he tried to make of me. ](/story/poetry-is-my-therapy-1679) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/?country=ve) English [English](/en)[Español](/es)[日本語](/ja) [ About We-Consent ](https://www.we-consent.ie)[ About We-Speak ](/about) We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Read our [Community Guidelines](/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/legal/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us For immediate help, visit {{resource}} We-Speak is a part of We-Consent, A Project of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre | Read our [Community Guidelines](/legal/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](/legal/privacy), and [Terms](/legal/terms) | [ #### Resources ](https://www.we-consent.ie/supports/) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](/legal/community-guidelines) to help us keep We-Speak a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to We-Speak and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready