Stare the Stalker Down The beach is nothing like the soft sands at {~location~}, my hometown. It's pebbly with gentle waves lapping it's shore. I sit by the edge. Tears roll down my cheeks. They wet the pebbles and the sand. The Freedom is overwhelming. So many emotions. I had woven a blanket over my pain. It's {~today's date~} but my story began {~on a date in the past~}. I got married that day. The day {~ex husband~} told me he owned me. The day he put a curfew on me. From that day I was his. I will never forget {~date~}. My 9pm curfew had passed. I was working late. Panic stricken I fled the office. My boss tore after me offering a life, thus avoiding the 20 minute walk. He insisted on stopping at the chipper. I couldn't say anything. You see, I had never told anyone what my life was like. How could I? What would they think? All I could think was "Oh dear God just get me home". {~Ex husband~} was there, absolutely livid. Burger, chips, onions, red sauce hit me like a brick. Smash straight into my face. Humiliated and wretched I felt burger, chips, onions, red sauce stream down my crying face. It was one of two turning points. Next morning, I told my boss everything: how if I stayed I would surely die. The relief. Between us we hatched a plan. I told nobody. Two days later I caught the train to {~City~} and signed up with some Agencies. When I got back {~ex husband~} was at the station. He was so angry. I didn't know it then but each morning he had followed me to make sure I had gone to work. He manhandled me into the car. People stared but nobody interfered. I thought the end has come and I would lie on that cold wet ground. Back home he straddled my chest for the entire evening. I could scarcely breathe. 5am he fell off me having fallen into a deep sleep. I crawled on my hands and knees, heart pounding in my chest, locked the door from the house and ran. Courage comes in all guises. Gloria Gaynor's song : "I Will Survive". I played it, I sang it, in my mind, out loud and I promised myself I would survive. The prayer "The Memorare". How can I thank that Prayer enough? the words helped me at my lowest point. I believed that I would get help from somewhere and today it holds a special place in my heart. I started my new job in {~City~}. I moved into a flat with my sister and her friend. Then it started - the Stalking - {~ex husband~} new my every move. When I went home at the weekends, he would linger outside my mam's house waiting for me. He constantly followed me. His shadowy figure never more than a few feet away. Beside me, behind me, in front of me. Never speaking a word but just staring. My peace was destroyed. Threats made {~in the past~} had not been forgotten. That night he told me that he would get me "not now but sometime in the future and forever you will look over your shoulder you f........ b......." My mam died in {~year~} and I visited her grave almost every Saturday as I still went back down to {~location~}. My siblings lived there. Always {~ex husband~} was there. Skulking behind or beside a headstone close by. I changed my times and my route but it never made a difference. He appeared and just stared. He never spoke a word. I never knew if "today would be the day". I knew his threat was real. {~Ex husband~} would crawl drive down the Main Street if he saw me, staring out of the driver's window and follow me until I got to my destination. Cars would beep at him to speed up but he ignored them. The only gesture he would make would be with his fingers "keeping an eye on you". Five years passed. Everyday without exception he appeared at my workplace in {~location~} He would follow me back to the flat. He kept pace behind me but never passed. I puked in litter bins and gutters. He made me sick in every sense of the word. I was a wreck. We moved but he always found me. I later found out that he changed his work schedule to flexi-time so that he could make the round trip Monday to Friday and then at the weekends he stalked me when at home. One day ran into the next. He stalked me. I puked. Who could I tell? Who would help? There was nobody. The Police wouldn't believe you at that time and anyway they could do nothing. I mean he hadn't harmed me!! Mentally I was dead inside. I left my wonderful job and moved to the {~location~}. I met a wonderful man, {~husband~}. We got married in {~year~} and in {~year~} our son, {~son's name~} was born. You would think the stalking would stop! We would go to {~location~} at the weekends. So beautiful. I loved the sea. {~Husband~} knew I had been married to {~ex husband~} but my life with him was too painful to discuss with anyone so I didn't tell {~husband~} about the stalking or anything else and thus it continued, but now {~ex husband~} had a new hatred in his eyes. My walks on the beach vanished. {~Ex husband~} was like radar. Always there. It was so scary. Little by little my life was vanishing. {~Ex husband~} never followed with {~husband~} came with us. {~Ex husband~} would always try and find a way to interact with {~son's name~}. Once at a Vintage Car Rally, I let go of {~son~}'s hand for an instant and within seconds {~ex husband~} had taken it and was trying to give him a Dinky car that he had purchased mar dhea for him. I grabbed {~son's name~} and left. Trips to Tesco were a nightmare. {~Son's name~} would be in the trolly. We would be at the checkout and then always at the next checkout stood {~ex husband~}. No groceries and that stare. Staring me down and staring my son down. Back then stalking wasn't recognised as anything let alone a crime and I would have been deemed an "eejit". Then turning point two came: {~date~}. {~Husband~}'s younger brother, {~brother in law's name~} came on his holidays to {~location~}. He hadn't seen the sea before. The excitement. I felt nervous all morning getting the picnic basket ready and our stuff but it would be okay as {~husband~} would be with us. At the last minute, {~husband~} got an urgent call out from work. He was on 24 hour call in his job. God I couldn't disappoint the kids. {~Son's name~} was now 6, and then I had {~daughter's name~} and {~daughter's name~} and of course {~brother in law's name~} coming for the first time. Our house was at the bottom of a lane. There was {~ex husband~} behind the lamp post. I tried to ignore him. The beach would be busy. Once he saw no {~husband~} that was it. He started to follow us. Up the quayside {~ex husband~} walked behind us. He didn't pass, didn't speak. Over the bridge, still behind us a few feet. I could see {~brother in law's name~} looking wondering why that man was not passing us out! Passed the duck pond and over to the beach. He still followed. I remember the day so well. A beautiful Summer's day. Hearts bright and excitement in the air but my heart was pounding, scared shitless. I put down the blanket, the kids leapt about with excitement. And then there was {~ex husband~}! Practically on top of us. Not more than a few feet away. Lying on his side, propped up on one elbow, facing us, staring and staring. I felt sick. My head pounded and my heart was beating in my breastbone. If I get into the sea with the kids what will he do? I couldn't leave our things. I didn't know what he would do. I was afraid to go, afraid to stay, afraid to let the kids go to the edge, afraid for all of us. I packed up the picnic and headed home. {~Ex husband~} followed. Matters were taken out of my hands when I got home. {~brother in law's name~} told {~husband~} about the man following us and that he was scared of him and he described him in detail. {~Husband~} figured it out very quickly and then I told him what had been going on all of these years, since {~year~} to be exact! I thought he would be angry at me for not telling him but he just held me close and told me that it was going to be alright. A person doesn't have to be imprisoned for their freedom to be taken from them. I learned to "stare". {~Husband~} taught me. I had staring matches with my siblings growing up but now this was different. This I knew was life changing. I need to stare {~ex husband~} down and that took practice, a lot of practice. I know it sounds absurd but learning to hold a stare for a considerable length of time is no easy task. Everyday after dinner, we held our staring matches, {~Husband~} and I. Our gazes fixed on one another and I knew that I would have to hold that stare for a long time to get the better of {~ex husband~}. I felt like giving up so many times. Several weeks later in {~location~} I was attending my parents' grave and sure enough just as the sun rises there he was. I knew {~husband~} wouldn't let anything happen to me and that I now knew {~ex husband~} was a coward and a bully. Once stood up to, they cower and slink away into the hole from which they came. {~Ex husband~} stared, I stared. I could see the hatred in his eyes. The {~date~} came flooding back to me. I kept staring. He got so angry but his stare never wavered and neither did mine. I prayed to every Saint in Christendom. I prayed that my mam and dad would somehow get up out of their grave and get him. I prayed the Memorare like my life depended on it and I sang in my mind "I Will Survive". I was determined to take ownership of my life. My eyes burned, blurred, watered. Oh God let this over soon, I prayed. But he just stared and stared for what seemed like an eternity. Then as quietly as he had entered the graveyard because I didn't hear or see him come in, he left it. I fell to my knees on my parents' grave and wept. Sixteen years had passed since I left {~ex husband~} and the stalking ended but it took until 2022 - a full {~number of~} years later - for me to walk on a beach on my own. I know so much more now. In 2020 I contacted {~a support service.~} The gave me the skills to cope with {~ex husband~} and I continue to work with those skills. I know I should have told {~husband~}, and should have told my family, but I never did. I was so ashamed, but I can speak about it now. My friends in {~location~} came back out of the woodwork. I thought they had deserted me, but {~ex husband~} had warned them off in no uncertain terms and they were scared. {~date~} is my special day. It's the day I sat by the calming waters and felt proud of my achievement. I might not ever stop looking over my shoulder but I am working on it. I wanted to tell this story in the hope that it might be of benefit of somebody else.